Spastics video

One of the video i made years back, and i still mean what i did in it.
Love ya Spastics!

Seasons

Thinking over and over again, i cannot blame anyone or anything for being so seasonal, to just go pass and leave me just because the season is up cause everything is really just in His plan, and seriously, i'm thankful that i'm in His plan already.

Things might just come up and pop and say 'Hey you're out of bound, and not suppose to be here" and maybe chastening comes along the way, or maybe along the road something bad i don't want happens, but it's really up to me whether i want to continue on this road and go along in this race to just complete it.

Now i really just want to complete this race of life, regardless of how long it's gonna take, how painful it's gonna take, i'm just gonna continue to take life and His plan as it is.

Also, just like what Joel says, we got to recognise our seasons, to do what we're suppose to do in that certain season to lead us to the right destiny.

Destiny, a big word, but seriously, who in the world now cares about destiny or their life purpose? I only know of people who wanna live life day by day to enjoy life and be happy. But not for me, i want to live my life to the full purpose, sometimes i might fail in certain areas, but i know i will strive on in things i truly desire, and this i will pursue.

Many many thoughts before i turn 18, the age of growing up, haha.
But really, it's time for a new Xinying i feel, someone more responsible, someone who truly show how much she really cares to those around her, kicking aside unimportant things, focusing on the important ones.

Back to the basics, basics as i embark on my 18.
The Word and prayer.
The things i do, leads me to my destiny.

Matthew 23:23-24 (The Message)
"You're hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You keep meticulous account books, tithing on every nickel and dime you get, but on the meat of God's Law, things like fairness and compassion and commitment—the absolute basics!—you carelessly take it or leave it. Careful bookkeeping is commendable, but the basics are required. Do you have any idea how silly you look, writing a life story that's wrong from start to finish, nitpicking over commas and semicolons?

Xy, dont be hopeless.
If people can't see my word, the more i need to ACT OUT on my word.


With every step, i climb another mountain.

Little children

Matthew 18:2-5 (The Message)

For an answer Jesus called over a child, whom he stood in the middle of the room, and said, "I'm telling you, once and for all, that unless you return to square one and start over like children, you're not even going to get a look at the kingdom, let alone get in. Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God's kingdom. What's more, when you receive the childlike on my account, it's the same as receiving me.

It always comforts me when i know that there's actually someone who cares.

Still counting my stars

Was praying for this certain thing the day before, and then it all came to pass in just one day.

As i look back on this whole of 2010, seriously it felt like i went thru all kind of things. But in all these things, i thank God for them. Cause it made me grew, it cause me to realise all my weaker points about my character and what i'm afraid of and what i wanna strengthen.

Went from the smallest things, to the largest things and again repeating and all, new challenges, new obstacles to old ones that i went thru, but double of the challenges. Everything seems harder than before. But other than all these, i realise after every single obstacles, i felt a stronger peace in my heart that i lack in that certain area.

& this is the year i really prayed for God to change me in every aspect that i'm weak in, so i cannot blame Him for bringing me thru all these things that i don't like. It's only when i do things i don't like, it makes me remember how much it hurts and how so i won't do it again. & was just talking to Roxanne, & i kinda conclude, God answers this chastening prayers very quickly, maybe for me la you beg to differ. But of course, God has His own timetable, that's why i kind of waited for 4 months for a breakthru this year.

It hurts badly, but i thank God i pull thru it, and i pray for even greater tenacity to bounce back in the future. & really i dont wanna fall, dont want to fall.

All the base things, may i never lose it.
Prayer, fasting, worshiping, praising.

Jesus, You're the sweetest name of all.
Jesus, You always pick me up when i fall.
Just reminds me of my primary, where the actual story unofficially began, where i will be one of the loudest singer during hymm songs, and my friend will just shoot me, why are you even singing, you're not a christian & i would say, cause i like to sing and omgosh, can so rmb, she rolled her eyes at me. But now, if anyone ask me that, i would say, cause i mean every single word i say.

A long way back since i knew Him, but i rejected Him so many times till 3 years ago. Where the great destiny of my life began, till now, so many things i don't understand till this point of time but i will continue to trust, continue to seek, even when it's tough and i don't wanna walk on, jiayou xinying. He's there.

the sound of the guitar

The strum of a guitar can make you cry. Just like how brother Poh did.

Really thankful to God that even after a long time not playing in cgm, there was still the flow, and also for not playing the guitar for a very long time. Thankful for His grace to last thru the whole thing.

The flow of the spirit.
Always seeking for that, and may my heart be always right.

It's Oct and i wanna end my year well. Looking thru my resolution card, it seems so not complete at all, but i'm not discourage, cuz i did things beyond my card. (: TYJ.
October! You are gonna be an awesome month as i finish this year off! :D Nothing is gonna bring me down! :D

I realise as i grow a little older, my wishes tend to be different from all my past wishes. A little more sensible one? but really my deep wishes cause i really want it to come to pass, tt i could forfit all my past years wishes just for this year's wish.

6 more days.
Thankful for my 17 years and my 18th will be great!
Sorry Spaz, i have to go cgm on friday!
Friday is gonna be an awesome day. (:

Busy

Gonna be a very very busy week next week.

Monday: Ting's bd
Tuesday: Boonz booked, idk why.
Wednesday: BS
Thursday: Jasmin says go steak
Friday: Fiona says it's booked but there's cgm, but jieying not in Sing, so praying it to be on Sunday? Not tt i dont want cgm on my bday, but.. ahhh. :(
Saturday: Svc
Sunday: free so far but cgm?

I try to book my family on Sunday, but kinda doubt they will be free i feel. nvmmm.
Anw, short things won't make me stay angry for long. i'm okayzx.

Seriously just so so thankful for friends around who always make things happier around me.
Before my celebrations, i'm already very thankful. Thank you Spaz, W524, and friends in church! :D and most imptly, God!

Had a very long time no have fellowship with @happydose @joseph_gouwei & @vintageproduct, and plus dearest @raeraediate before that. I really miss Rae so muchh!!! Ever since the W459 days, we havent been hanging out, just 4 of us. Miss those days... But oh well, all of us got to move forward to look to the bright future. (:

Greater things are coming!!! Still i believe there is more.
Had a very good time talking with Roxanne and then a long quiet walk home. Love time to myself, but nowadays it seems like i have to share my time, not tt it's not good. but dont need spam me, i wanna throw my phone alrdyy. okay it's cc's phone. haha. ps...

GONNA BE A VERY AWESOME WEEK!

Just the way you are

Random thoughts:

Sometimes i feel people can joke/kid/talk about me infront of me, i'm alright. BUT NOT BEHIND ME.

Seriously my life is like how it is now because I WANT IT THIS WAY, even if i like or dislike it to be like this, indirectly or directly, MY actions leads to MY consequences. So if anything happens, don't need to worry, comment. That's me, i only allow a few people to enter into my life to comment about me. 

Don't think because sometimes i don't bring out my comments, it means i'm weak. 

Don't think because sometimes i laugh everything off, it means i'm okay with the joke.

DONT THINK, DONT ASSUME. 

Everyone have a limit to a certain stuff, just like a volcano. 

Lastly, i don't think there's anything wrong with me now, i know what i'm doing. 

At least i'm responsible to God whatever i'm doing.

PEACEOUT.
5 Fridays, Saturdays & Sundays this month. October is gonna be an amazing month! :D

I wish..

Hellooooooo~

I had a very very exciting BS today by Pst Jeremy! There's just actually so so much to learn about this awesome book. You might not understand but yeahh, you have to experience things yourself one loh.

Just thinking of all these, God is really merciful, ever since Day 1 and im so grateful!
I really think this AFV bs is so in season for me, and really so ever thankful that i'm this great great plan of His, that no matter what, i will never ever let go.

Was reading the same old book, ya i havent finish!! omg right... but ya..

God is not going to change anyone/anything you're dealing with until He first changes you. - Joel Osteen

I'm willing to accept any form of change, don't really like to learn things the hard way anymore.
There's always 2 ways in life, easy and hard, but unknowingly sometimes we tend to end up in this trap and go the hard way and then it hurts us so much. In the end we fought this battle when we don't even need to at the beginning.

Hard ways to learn things ends us getting hurt, crying every night, when we could easily just accept it in the first place and be happy people. But of cuz, i need the discerning skills to really know which is the easy and hard way, but oh well, all is planned alrdy. Just need to pray for the strength to really be able to accept all these changes and be a better person. (:

Birthday is coming, but idk why i have no good feeling about it. Can't imagine why i was so excited for my birthdays last time, countdowns, parties and all. Guess all these expectancy was killed by disappointments, little disappointments being built up. If you know what happened from Sec 1's birthday till now, you will know how i feel. Sometimes it just seems like my birthday is just another day. So in just any case, positive attitude. (: It will still be a happy day, i pray.

Still, 18 is a big thing right? At least for me, a age to be legal to go clubbing(not always) and drink! YAY :D


MY BIRTHDAY WISHLIST :D:D:D 
(havent been bhb for a very long time, let me be on my space okay? thankkks! If you wanna get me anything! tt's if you want la!)


1) Bag / Wallet
Get something my style or i wont use. (chey demandinggg.) Bag dark colours, wallet PURPLE :D

2) Pretty cards w words! (Reminds me of Jasmin's wishlist!! hahaha)
I love words word, cuz im a person w the love language of Words of Affirmation. Pls at least wanna write msg, write 100 words and above. Hahaha joking.

3) Pretty clothes :D
NO TEE SHIRTS FROM ESPRIT ANYMORE PLS? want to buy teeshirts get those long long kind, i got long body :D or get dress. In need of clothes. heehee. or just vouchers loh, tt will be good :D

4) Be prettier!!
Even though i know it's not possible. let's skip tt.

5) Grow in the Lord and be stronger.

6) W524 to grow.

7) FS.

k la, but other than all these material things which i'm okay w not getting any cept for the not material ones, all i really want is just a happy celebration, without tears, without scoldings, just a happy day, no scoldings. Really, in just 3 days i hear the same thing so many times tt i dont really like, but i can't do anything. Seriously, all i really want this bday is just ___________. & i will be contented, happy, even touched till i cry, but i know it will never happen, not this year, but i know in upcoming years to come, it will, cuz it's just for this season, and aft the breakthru come, all things will change.

Why does it seem like my happy day's like my doom day. LOL. Just joking.
I know i have my awesome friends around, thank you all~
But yeah, everybody have a special birthday wish, & mine's just that.
I pray...

But still i trust.

P.S. DONT ANYHOW THINK WHAT'S MY WISH, NOT A BOYFRIEND OR ANYTHING MATERIAL. THANKS! LOVE :D

He's my victory

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

Another song that's hold closely to my heart since 2 years ago.
Now that i look back on this song, i realise so much more then the first time i hear it.

My prayer in every circumstances, still i will give thanks.
Thanksgiving builds the atmosphere of prayer, of faith.

Later on is BS, AFV, finally. Authority for Victory.
I have this authority given to me & every BS is something in season for me. Can't wait..

Was watching Marley and Me just now, and i cried when Marley died, the part of losing someone dear to you is painful, especially when that person loves you so much. Marley, the devoted lover and friend. (:

seasonal?

Just pondering over this.

I really don't like seasonal friends.
Friends that are here for just a season of your life and then after a while, they stop talking and everything and suddenly before you know it, they are gone from your life. But i ever heard/read this before, that friends come in season to just to bring you thru that certain period, but still... i dont like it tt way.

I used to have so many of these seasonal friends, that i dont even know where they are now.
But thank God other than these seasonal friends, i have all time season friends too.

But the longest all time friend is Him.

For i know there is mercy in Your sight

May my prayer like incense rise before You
The lifting of my hands as sacrifice
Oh Lord Jesus turn Your eyes upon me
For I know there is mercy in Your sight

Your statutes are my heritage forever
My heart is set on keeping Your decrees
Please still my anxious urge toward rebellion
Let Love keep my will upon its knees

Oh God, You are my God
And I will ever praise You
Oh God, You are my God
And I will ever praise You

To all creation I can see a limit
But Your commands are boundless and have none
So Your Word is my joy and meditation
From the rising to the setting of the sun

All Your ways are loving and are faithful
The road is narrow but Your burden light
Because You gladly lean to lead the humble
I shall gladly kneel to leave my pride


Really like this song alot, even though some ppl say it's not catchy and difficult to sing,
but the lyrics are just what i wanna say.

So amazing how God places me in His plans for things to happen and for me to go pass. Tests after tests for me to pass till i pass it so i don't have to take it again. In a crude way, shit happens again and again because we simply just don't get the lesson we're suppose to go thru, tt's why we have to take the shit till we get it.

I pray for perseverance because i need them.
Kinda failed by making this deal w my mum, guess this year won't be a good year? Seriously in my head, if this year is not a great day, i will seriously hate tt day and not celebrate it anymore, but back at the head, i want to have a good day and tt day is the day i am made, so i should give thanks.

Contradicting thoughts.
But Give Thanks. (:

God, You are my God

I love my pretty pretty friends.
& seriously, what i pray is what i focus.
I'm super serious about what i'm focusing on, something that nothing can shake. Immovable focus i pray. & Jy reminded me of Jacob just now, cause she was asking me about Jacob and his brother.

& i got reminded, Jacob was so hungry for the blessing that he wrestled with God till daylight and God made him crippled yet he wasn't angry with it cause he know he receive his blessing. Named 'Israel'. Reminds me of so many people who were hungry for this blessing, but not many in the end receive it like Jacob, cause they gave up halfway.

Give up, is 2 words i hear almost every other day.
But never will i give up, never.
I came so far not just for 2 words to happen, but a full length of pages to be written, instead for a mini '.'.
It just got to be more, and more and more.

Above all else.
Elisha & Jacob can do it, because they are doing it for the only one master.
Xy can do it too.

Just wondering, why in the world outside, there's always this mask everyone is putting on, just to cover their inner self. That sometimes, everything including smiles and laughters are all fake. We can say Life's like this, but to face the truth, that's actually so not true. Life could be so much better if we decided not to hurt ourselves.

But yeah, life's tough, & i know how it is..
Oh well...

My help comes from You

Got back my results, not tt bad. i made improvement but i need bigger improvement to pull my GPA back. no As this time round. but it's okay. JY XY!

Watching all the old videos, in SHWO, in old W459.
Old memories.


First concert that i actually cried before it. LOL. Love Teqeila. & i miss old band. was seriously super on in band last time. idk why too.



I believe i can fly by junior band, i joined the sec1s cuz i join band in sec2. wooo~


& old w459!!

Okay seriously i miss band & old W459!

Was just talking about taking sides yesterday.
Really dont like taking sides, and really i wont do it cause i know how it is like for people to take sides and the parties involve. Like one would because standing on this person's side, then end up scolding the other person when you're not involve and all. dont like...

That's why i like to stand neutral and not compare who's wrong & right, cause in the end, it's the parties involved decision to do whatever they like, not us.

Well, the past is the past, really still thinking about PT's msg.
Don't let past success hinder you in greater works to be done.
Don't let past failures stop you for your success that are coming.
In all, do not run away.

Body clock's not right, needa change it. Having major headache ever since i woke up(4pm).
Always in this mode of self-identify crisis, but I AM who I AM.
But in this midst of I AM who I AM, there's still changes needed to be make to be a greater I AM.
Changing not for the sake of others, but changing for the sake for a better self, and it better be for the better not worse. & usually it is kinda determine whether i changed for the better by people around too.

Change is always constant.
But HE IS WHO HE IS.

Like to make things to happen for people sometimes, but sometimes on my own ability, it can't be done. So i'm seeking for external help which is quite internal, and it starts with P. Let's pray. (:

Oct is here!

Is it abit too late to say October is here?

May it be a very awesome month.
With awesome celebrations, and joy and peace and love. (:

Though i started Oct happily and then not happy, but from 3rd Oct, no nothing, but happy!
Change of mindset and attitude, OCT IS GONNA BE A GREAT GREAT MONTH! :D

Esp 15 Oct hor? :D:D

Rest in peace Mrs Lee

"If she weren’t an influence, supposing I had married somebody else, I might have become a different person, not that I would be a different person, but the things that I would have been able to do, the kind of backdrop I would have had, family, support, would have been different," said MM Lee.

The kind of people you hang out with, get married to, get attached(a relationship/friendship) bond and all, influence you in your character and life and many different ways.

Mrs Lee was a great woman definitely, and to be a woman behind a great man Mrs Lee Kuan Yew's back, it's not easy. But yeah, she's 89 and i believe her life is lived worth-while. It's time to be back with the Lord.

Have fun in Heaven Mrs Lee!
With all respect and honour.

You Rule & Reign

Ever since i changed my internet modem and everything, i cannot get in twitter/blogspots. feel so sad, but nah, this is not a very very big thing la. Not gonna be sad!! :D

1) JIEYING'S SURPRISE
I just wanna say, woohooo, my plan with my dearest CGCs and members in W524 and W327 and Rayvin was a great success! Jieying didn't know about the whole plan, like we're doing visitation as per normal, cause Jieying cancelled cgm on Wed, and then we changed plan, and continued on with visitation. Quite woooo, cause jieying didnt suspect anything even though i was on my phone the whole time, IM SORRY JIEYING, I DIDN'T MEAN TO NOT NOT TALK TO YOU AND LOOK AT MY PHONE!!! :(

So we did visitation at Tamp to Lot 1 to Dhoby Ghaut, and i'm really really surprise that Jieying is willing to cooperate with us, to be blindfolded and to listen to MP3! :D Thanks Jieying!!

& i am happy!!! Cause i havent been sewing for a very long time, and i sewed a very pretty name, Dawn Jieying on the blindfold! Not very perfect, but at least the name can be seen right? Support me abit! hahaha. (:
didn't know jy dont likey frogs, sorry jieying! now i know!!! i repent! extra qt 1hour today!

So yeahh, while Jieying's being blindfolded and cabbing down to Rayvin's hs, everyone is preparing the food and everything, and TADA~ SURPRISE!!! I likey Jieying's card! :D Jieying managed to figure out we're heading to Rayvin's place! hahaha.

This is just a very short short summary of the whole birthday party, but really thank you all ESP RAYVIN & W327 FOR HIS HOUSE AND FAST RESPONSE AND CANCELLING CGM! :D Really i feel very blessed to have very awesome leaders and people around me! I thank God for awesome members who are willing to give and to come down. (:

& then after the happy party, something not very happy happened.
But really i still thank God that my dearest beloved was there, and because my internet broke down and can't type, i called her and we talked bout her BS on Praise and we talk random stuff for 43mins! I saw the time and i was wooo, cuz i dont like talking on the phone, serious chop.

But yeah, Rae told me this,
[When we get scoldings when we're wrong, it's chastening & when right, it's test of attitude. Always rmb this!!][tweettweet]

Ytd was really a test of attitude, or chastening. idk, but yeah, kinda.. But thank God for awesome people around like Jieying & Roxanne. (:

Really like what Pst Tan preached today, really so so many times i wanna run away, but really i stayed. & i believe many times Elisha wanted to run away because his king backslide, small nation compared to Syria, always at losing end, people despise him and nation, but he continue to cling on, and cling on.

May i always have this attitude of clinging on, never to let go just like Elisha!

I kinda feel what the sms she sent was right, sometimes the more i speak, the more mistakes i commit. It wasn't a joke, but sometimes this kinda thing just pierces thru and hurt deep. Words matters so much & it pierces people and forms their world.

Xy, please watch your words in future & think before you speak.
But really sometimes it only takes close friends to really truthfully understand what i'm really talking about, cause i'm not the best speaker around. Sorry if i ever ever make you feel out of place or bad, cause i dont mean too, & i dont think i have the power to do so too. :(


& HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST GARY,
really hope you enjoyed today even though not many people came, but i really like your card alot!! Greater things are gonna gonna come k? jiayou!

Had a great fellowship w Gary @happydose @yyunting @angel_lly @limchaochung @dotdot88 @JINGYINGGG @joel_stage today! I really love my zone alot & really i thank God for everything.

In all things, i give thanks, even when it's tough. Cause i have this master who is so great and worthy of my praise. :D

I WILL BLESS THE LORD WITH ALL MY SOUL~

Excitinggg

Sometimes we got to sacrifice something for a bigger picture to make it whole and complete. 

Give up here and there even though it hurts.

In progress of a very exciting planning(to me la), and i pray all things goes on well, put in all the resources alrdy, pray it will be effective with efficiency. Gonna be so exciting, i really pray. 

Still need to do some other stuff later on, all the small little details and all. So happy really. Really can't wait to see the outcome. 

Tmr's gonna be a very awesome day, doing visitation w my dearest leader Jieying the whole day and then dinner with the poly students. hahahahaha. 

Sometimes when we can't go the easy way, we use the the hard way. (of course the appropriate one la!!)

We're gonna take it by force. You will know what i mean soon la huh, nothing big also la. hahaha.

Heehee, but im so happy that i'm inside this plan, so i know what's gonna happen and i love my dearest members who calls me up to just tell me what's happening. 

Just looking forward to the carrying out of plan. (:

Exciteddddd.

When i was younger

Was with the Spastics talking about all the secondary & primary school times stuff. 

So amazing how time passes so quickly, and we're all almost 18s. 

Seriously till now, i dont know who reads my blog, and everytime someone tells me he/she reads my blog, i will be like omg seriously? i think my blog is the boring-est blog to read, serious chop. but thanks for bothering about my life. Makes me feel i'm a little important. haha. 

Had an awesome 29th people, EXCEPT THAT I'M NOT 18 & I CANNOT GO TO CLUB W FIONA THEY ALL & GET MY FREE DRINKS. :( 

It's like only 2 weeks more? so near yet so far. 

As usual, i know my limits if i'm getting to far yo. (:

18 in 15 more days, exciting yo. 

I remember those younger days where i would like count down to my birthday and put it on my msn nick or whatever to remind myself, those young days party where i will always plan myself, inviting my classmates and all. Sometimes when i look back, i feel stupid why i must have birthday parties, but another hand, i feel blessed, my parents to always allow me to have bday parties. dont think i can have another anymore tooo. hahaha.

2006 - HAHAHAHA JY AND JASMIN! Maggie & Leon!

2007 - bd party at home. this is jackjack, someone whom i knew since Primary school!!

2008- the year where O levels just crash my birthday. the day aft my birthday is O lvl science practical.

 
2009! the awesome grp of friends who brighten up my birthday last year when everything seriously :/ last year. Love you guys!


2010, just a year without tears on my birthday tyvm!
but tears of joy acceptable la. hahahaha, make myself like so ke lian like tt, but it's my 3rd year celebrating with Him, i know it's gonna be awesome. BUT WHY IS SO MANY PEOPLE LEAVING SINGAPORE ON MY BIRTHDAY? :( nvmmmm. hahaha.


Actually i'm still pretty much a kid, in my spastics and many's eyes. hahaha.
Simple things do make me happy :D
but simple things that i like though, a kid but hard to please. hahahaha.
*hinthint my angel Fiona*
(When Fiona reads this, i know her first reaction would be, who cares a * bout you HAHAHA, BUT I KNOW SHE LOVES ME :D 
Love ya bitch for being my angel & i know my birthday won't go wrong in your hands cuz you're awesome! hahaha, even if it does i still love you for being you! & the Spaz for being the Spaz! :D)


Actually deep inside everyone's heart, everyone wants something to happen they like on their birthday, regardless of how old they are, they always have this wish deep(individual) inside. True? 

Promises

Promises are not place in our hands, but place within our reach. - Dr Ar Benard

Like what he shared today, even if it is quite tough to reach for a cookie jar placed on a high shelf, as long as we move and reach for it, even though there's some pulling in the muscle, some tension but in the end, as long as we want it, we can reach and get it.

Gonna expect for something greater,
for greater things are coming!


Take all of me for more of you, 
All consuming fire
You're my heart's desire