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Sometimes it's not about whether i care anot.

It's just my fault. I'm sorry. I know a thousand of sorries cannot change anything. But i just wanna let you know i still love you guys. It's not tt i dont care, just that whenever this happens, shyt happens tgt with it.

Sorry for making you feel whatever you're feeling now.

Sorry for appearing in your life.

Idk what to say except for an apology & idk whether you're reading this too.

It's just me, and one day i will learn.

P.S: maybe im gonna stop blogging again.

we'll cross this great divide

Good & bad day.

Sorry spaz for missing Spastic's day.

Was just asking God during worship who i can talk to, then i open my eyes. I saw Jieying's face on the screen. i think God is awesome! :D

Thank you Jieying. I have an awesome leader and i know why im being placed in this cg of mine. Thanks for crying with me and thanks for everything you said. I really love you so so much. (:

I'm not alone. (:

Thank God for people who trust me, thank you jingying & daddy.

Another thing, ran up to the alter today and had so many people stacking on me and almost lost my heels, but worth it. Fire of the HS, thank you J. The next generation is going to change the nation. This is my generation.

Another thing, as im going thru all these, i see God's power moving in my life so strongly. Things are changing, and i know it. I have my world views, i have my core values and i have my core purpose. I'm not going to change them. I'm going to focus.

God of my life

AC had been super awesome so far, super ttm.

First day started out quite awesome.

Second day super awesome.

Third day super duper awesome.

Wonder what will happen tmr.

Had a super coolz vision yesterday & then God spoke today. I guess this whole conference is bringing me back to my visions that i had. God wants me to really focus. Worship at the last session just tt was super duper.. thank you Jesus for answering all my questions i asked. God really have a timetable to answer questions.

Everytime i will go back to round 1 again, seriously it's time to get out of this maze, and move on. move on and move on and move on. there's still Jesus xyz.

Really feel no one knows me best except for Him.

TYJ, without you i am nothing.

Here comes the reign

Here comes the grace

Here comes your power in Jesus name

Bad day turns good

I learned something today. not learn la, but ya.

It's so true that if you start your day sighing, the rest of the day, you wont feel happy too. I think this is what happened today. So distracted throughout the whole day (in stoning mode), for idk what reason and then i didnt even know PC lecture was cancelled when the whole class knew alrdy. gosh.

So distracted till i orh to everything my friend said and idk what she said. But yeah, thank God it became better when i snapped out of the stoning mode.

Went Expo to help Huimei with AC booth & quite exciting. At least my day turned around to be fruitful instead of sighing all the way. Thank God i snapped out of it.

EVERYONE IS EXCITED

ABOUT ASIA CONFERENCE!!!!

& IT'S JUST TMR! (WEDNESDAY)

SO EXCITEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

Everyone was in Expo today! to set up the booth! weeeee~

Got to keep myself in a alert mode and a HAPPY mode! :D

ASIA CONFERENCE here i come!

Oh & Saw the clouds & had a revelation on the train today.

Disperse dark clouds, there wont be rain.

Disperse thoughts, no focus, you stone.

Dark clouds gathered, starts to rain.

Thoughts start to gather, it start to rain over our life.

Rain downn. Power of the togetherness. Unity~

How i love time alone, BUT i live time alone with God more!

AC AC AC AC AC AC!!!

With You every moment

The one thing that I need
Be seated at Your feet
To worship You

This whole song just kept repeating in my head the whole day, repeating & repeating.

2 years ago was asia conference, & so many things happened during the conference, the first few weeks i rise up, and took up alot of energy and all cause of class chalet & missed some of the svcs. but overall it was awesome, but one thing i lack that time was a heart of expectancy.

Let this AC be a awesome one, cause im going with an open heart.

I tried to not think, but it's difficult. AHHHHHHHH.
Yesterday i kinda found out more about myself tgt with Him. Now i know why i feel things like how i do, those memories. i cast them out in Jesus name.

AC, another time of transformation.
Change me, cause i'm getting tired,

Expand my capacity, cause im limited.

One thing that I need

You're all about freedom
All about kindness
All about a Savior who loves
You're all about justice
All about mercy
All about what I don't deserve

The one thing that I need
Be seated at Your feet
Here in Your beauty Lord
The one thing that I need
Be seated at Your feet
To worship You

I think it's currently night time.
Thank God i sowed seed in the right place for mum's part, but others idk.

Today i realise im not a quality time language person but a person of affirmation of words. & i kinda prefer that i think. Words brings me down, but it brings me up too. I think God knows that, & on the train to school today, while thinking, God said, i know your every thoughts & i know how to communicate with you.

I think God is awesome, maybe you don't share the same faith, but ya. really so touched. people change, time change, environment changes, i change, but change is constant. right?

Time to change again. Change is always constant for me, dont like to be stuck at an emotion that makes me trap, dont like to be limited, dont like to be dry, dont like to feel sad and so many others dont like.

Sometimes i act weirdly, i act differently, maybe it's really time for soul time, alone alone somewhere. I need Him cause He's the only one that doesn't change.

Let my thoughts be known to You, & i wanna know Your thoughts too.

I need freedom, i need You.

Anw, Awesome fellowship with W459 & W524 today. Really miss every single one of the little ones. (:

Wanna make you feel beautiful

I realise both songs Happy day is playing for BOTB got the word 'beautiful'.

Beautiful is a nice word. Dont you agree?

Otw home today, i was just thinking of this basic thing, the only way to know one person better is just to spend more time with that person. I should be spending more time with God. (:

& i talked to Jieying todayy! Really got to thank Jieying for the things she said. Sometimes i feel like when i made some decisions i cannot set my mind on it. FOCUS PLEASE XYZ!!!

I have an awesome leader & whenever i tell her something, she knows the right word to say to me!

One thing that caught me, Jieying says what is important is what you really want. & what i really want is what God wants. & what i want, i will do it, & if i want it, i should not half-hearted do the thing that i want but put in my full heart right?

& since God says that, i should do too. Reading "Drawing near" and it says "Worship is not just a slow song but a life of obedience."

It's a lifestyle, i wanna live a life of worship.

& "A religious spirit is one who uses My word to execute his own will."

His word is all i need. Okay it's getting messy here...

Final thing! Really can't wait for AC, to get a fresh touch once again!! :D

bye!

Sleeepy

Helloooooooo~

today should be one of those days where i travelled like boomz shingz leopardz printz.

the most in short. i think im tired tt's why im crazy now.

T -> D -> Orch -> D -> Pion ->BK -> T

like exciting, but i dont wanna travel so much alrdy la. i think i have a life of travelling. can i change the travelling part of overseas instead? :D

Nah it's okay, i think i rather stay home. Thank God AC is at expo, 2 buses and im home :D

I pray for grace for Happy Day for next week's audition, i think i will have stage fright, but it will be gone!!

Towned & walked around, Jamming, & Helped out at church just now, made flowers! so prettty i think! hahah.

Feeling so tired now, felt like i did so many things today.
Should go and sleep, if not i have a feeling the fever will be back. GO AWAY.

I like pretty clouds, cause it's God's creation, so pretty and always there. No matter what, dark clouds or bright clouds, still there. Day and night time.

Guess im transiting from day to night, did i sow enough seeds?

oh man, my forth finger & little finger on my right hand cramp now. sign of "maybe i should stop typing". NIGHTTTTSS!

new every morning

Back from LM, having school at 8am tmr, but just felt like blogging.

Meeting was awesome. Pst Jeffrey is really very awesome.

1 thing that speak to me,

God is a God of new things and His mercies are new every morning. Just like dews.

Was praying for this one thing for a while now, and i came up with a conclusion, and i decided what to do already. So shall proceed onto my new plan and handle it well in order not to screw up anything. Wisdom wisdom wisdom.

Life will be good. great. awesome.

I need more patience. & sometimes i feel my patience is running out, i think tt's bad.

Sometimes i think it's quite bad to have thing running inside my head, maybe it's true just like Fiona says, i can't think, and if i think it hurts.

I pray i will be a little smarter please?

Or Father, the gift of discernment? :D

Mixed feelings now. Like rojak again. One day i will only have one feeling, peaceeee.

There's so so much more to one person's personality/character. We won't be able to understand one person in just 1 day, not even a year. Every day we find out something new.

Bye less than 5 hours sleep.

Sleep is impt.

Motive

Just thinking about this today cuz of one statement people made,

like we have link so can ask for lobang or something like tt.

So this question came,

Do we create relationships because we love that person, or because we wanna get something out of that person?

Or do we talk to this person because we just wanna talk or because we want something more?

Pure motive or some other weird complicated ones?

HR seems like a people service job, but i dont wanna make relationships because i wanna get something out of that person that's why i talk to that person and create a link.

If only the world isn't this superficial, but abit more loving.

Maybe i think some might just ask me to grow up, the society outside is like this, dont take advantage of people you lose out. if it's like this, can i not grow up?

Who knows i might change in the future, but i pray i wont.

Maybe i think too much yo! But the bible says love is the greatest. I pray i will love even more not just taking advantages of people. always reflect..

On the other hand, wheeeeee, it's leader's meeting tmr! :D

Gonna get so impacted & inspired! :D

With you every moment

With You every moment,

My sweetest devotion,

My heart is stirred,

To know you more.

With you every moment,

Like dew from the heavens,

Jesus it's You that i adore.

Cgm was good today yo. Kinda lost my voice again, can i have it back pls voice? having cough for like 3 weeks going 1 month, not good. COME BACK SOON VOICEEEEE~

I dont want to walk behind Jesus, dont want to walk in front of Jesus, because when He's walking just beside me, tt's when i can hear Him the clearest, the best, every word specifically.

Dont want to start running and head for my own goal and walk in front of Him.
Dont want to slow down cause I'm lazy and stop walking.

But even if i am, when im ahead, He will run after me, when i stopped behind, He will stop and call me to move on.

Jesus, whenever you go,

Wanna be by your side.

nicest pic of the day! GROUP PICTURE!
& sexy grace laying down on us. i got muscle sioh! hahaha.

& ya! I LOVE MY SPASTICS! :D
So great to hear everyone voice out how they truely feel, without hiding anything. tt is what true friendship is, voicing out their true feelings. weeeee~

weeeeee~

Everyday i feel there's so much to change, but.....

one step at a time, there's no need to rush,

it's like learning to fly...

okay, that song got into my head.

I'm very very happy! i had a big big achievement yesterday, like really super attentive in class for once (according to my standards). Weeee~

& then i head down to Pasir Ris after meeting Bingrong Gouwei Xinyi Ven Ruixuan Victoria. Had a super awesome time with my spaz, drinking vodka in the middle of Pasir Ris park after Mat something Fish market, oh man, the service cmi.

In HR i learned, DO FEEDBACK FORM & the HR will send them for extra training to improve their customer service. weeeee, im neutral about the service except for the cake part, fiona & the others were a little piss. haha.

okay, so i think we got high, and we screamed like super loudly when the girls shared about their lives. I'm so happy that all of us like grew up all a sudden. Guess Poly really makes us grow up, a transition of our lives. :D I love my Spaz!

I'm gonna do well this sem, im gonna do well this sem!
& Change to a better person!!!! :D

----------------------------------------------------

A pure heart gives because it loves.

It's like everytime we sing, "I'll give up all i have in exchange for more of You", but when we sing, do we mean what we say? Yesterday i was on the train and i was thinking. It's not easy to really give up everything we have just to have more of Jesus.

It's like what can i get if i give up this million dollar contract just for Jesus?
People who are practical would calculate their losses and then ask God to refill their losses, not a pure heart at all.

Contention is the word of the season for me.

I will be contented. Whatever that comes, i'll take. Whether it's bad or good, cause it is what He placed into my life. Regardless of what, even if God ask for my most valuable thing, i will give though it hurts. It wasn't an easy decision for me too. Just like how Abraham agree to give Isaac away, after praying for so so long for a son, he got Isaac, but God asked for Isaac, & Abraham says whatever you want God(in my own words). It was easy for him too!

You might think, ya i am willing to give up all, but look back and think, there are definitely something in your life which is not right, your temper problem, the way you think, covetousness, strong desires & dreams not incline to His will? Are you willing to give all of this up?

Feel so into this situation of Abraham & Isaac now, but it's a secret between me & God. Heehee. Try to discern it yo.

BS later at Yewtee, i believe it's gonna be very good, cause God is with me. :D

Jesus i believe in you,
I will go, to the ends of the Earth for you.

takes one

Say Hi to Grace!!! My new friend who's with me EVERYDAY! :D

Today was a crazy day, like not cause of external factors but internal factors. maybe a little external.

But even though i was turning super crazy inside, thank God for favour of men.

Just one statement from Mrs Loh made me very :D, even when my inner side was going crazy. Guess im easily satisfied. but thank God for her.

It only takes one to spot ur potential and change your life.

& it only takes one person who's there for you to make you happy.

The power of one, & of course if you're not content with one, you will still be sad.

So i should be happy! At least i know there's not only one! There's God & more!! :D

But these few days were quite tough, i met with unhappy stuff and everything, but thank God, even though my inner side was struggling, my outer side was okay. Influences from everywhere, all the disappointing words & all, wooo thank God for strength to overcome them.

Guess God is expanding my capacity day by to day to accept all these crap! :DD

On a lighter note, I'm happy cause i think Mum loves me a little more after Mama's day(REALLY!!). PK's msg on appreciation, affirmation & acceptance was so in time, & thank God for inspiration of the book tt even when i stay up to 5am on sat, it's so worth it. Love mum so much even though friends might think she's crazy.

PK:
"The people in the world try to find extra boosts to cope with life’s pressure. They use drugs, cigarettes, coffee, vitamins, valium, etc. But when our inner man is born again, we can have the zoe-life of God! Though our outward man is perishing, if we are continually guided by the Lord, His zoe-life will overflow within us, renewing us day by day"

I need the Zoe-life of God even more!! :D

Just me or what

I realise most people dont call me xinying, but xy.
maybe only sch friends call me xinying. LOL.

XY, XYZ. wooo~

Can so remember how this XYZ thingy started out.

Today's a happy day! For the start, even though i was sleepy. MUMMY SENT ME TO SCHOOL & I WAS EARLY & PEIYI WAS LIKE WAH YOU'RE EARLY. so happy!! haha, i should be early moreeee.

Came home to sleep after mrt-ing w sarah&jasmin, guess tt's what im doing tmr, after school, head home, sleep and use com and then sleep again. routines~

Life now's a routine, doing the same thing, every monday, every tuesday, every wednesday and so on. But everyday as long as something special happens to break that routine tt day, im happy enough :D tt's why im a happy girl.

Sometimes worrying makes you unhappy. Not worrying.
Got to let every of my thoughts be associated with Him, then my life will break out of routines, cause with Him, special things happen everyday.

When God gives, we should give back even more.

I'm so glad this mother's day was awesome, & mum love the present! :D heeee.
INSIDE THE BOOK NICER :D heeee.

Love family dinners & im always praying for happy family dinners.

Yesterday i had it, big family = difficult to get tgt. But effort brings us tgt. :D

Hah talking about effort, everything needs effort to make it successful.
Time to put in more effort in everything.

Love,
XY

P.S: i like my name.

i'll be there

i'll be there, even if im an extra and you dont need me........

TO TAKE PICTURES :D

WEBCAM SPAM!!!!! :D

Val says it's a happy family gathering, i agree much to a certain extent!! :D
start of spam i think.
WOOHOOO people are watching us!
wadupppzz
I LIKEY
i rock! :D romantic~
boonnnz
look into our eyes
emo kia
im sorry, the lightbulb should be on me! :(
BOOMZ
SHINGZ
leopard printz
peace yo!
:D
HAPPY FAMILY
black and white makes it seem emo
it's snowinggg. VERY COLD
spastic face boonz
WOOO~
i like this pic like pretty. :D
hey yo, why point me. i know i extra! heeehee
bling bling face
sister love. I LOVE YOU JY!
MISS SWANNN!~
ALIEN LJY
bblur blur
DONT SHOOT
cause they happy i emo! :(
HEEHEE let's end the webcam spam!

reason why so many pic, yesterday i had good hair day & i look nicee. heehee.

Anyway, i have a new logic of mine,

LIVE LIFE WITH A HEEHEE.

idk if i got say before, but ya, if i face life happily, it will be better~ No worries can make me frown, i envy those people who smile alot, but boonz says it's because they make an effort to, SO I WILL MAKE AN EFFORT TO SMILE, and make people around me happy too :D

heehee, i try.

I love you Mummy and thank so much for bringing me into this world.
I made a book filled with love and bought a rose. Hope mama love it. :D

Be strong and of good courage.
Every mother's day drama makes me feel so motivated. Next year shall be the year, im bringing ma. not even next year, but asap! :D

Hole

There's always a kind of hole in our lives, that as we're walking and walking, we just fell right into the hole and stop us from walking to our goals. But sometimes when we stop walking, we don't even know if we're in that hole or not.

Whether that hole is big or not, or whether both my legs are in or not, no one wants to land into a hole that stops us from walking.

Gonna prevent myself from dropping into any holes, whether it's small or big.

Whether im in a hole now or not, idk, i shall ask God. & if i am, i want to leave it as soon as possible, in case i sink in deeper. :D

Maybe sometimes i like to confuse my life too much, or think too much. heee, but ya. :D

Waiting for brother lim to come back and help him with his bag cause he kinda injured himself AGAIN. & today was a good day! with good news!! rumrum came home! IM SO HAPPY even though he's not mine, glad tt jiejie shella is happy again & glad that i can hear him from my house again!! oh how i love rumrum! Thank God!! :D

Thanks for pei-ing me everyone today, even though in the end my bs was cancelled. :D