Grace seeker

Up in the morning, need to do research.
Not complaining though, had my well deserved rest already, so no rights to complain!

Continue to do project now!
OH and i had the best presentation ytd during EIR. Maybe in some people's eyes it wasn't that good, but i felt it was just the most enjoyable one ever, like i can be like me. HAHAHA.

k research before my comp dies!

I believe..

Seems like a long time since i blogged.

Had been so busy w school projects and all. Just project meetings alone is tiring, but i thank God, for people who understands, who observes and speaks up. Had been just a little too over negative these past weeks, but i really thank God, im finally doing something.

But, all i want is to really just run past this 1 month... One whole month aint gonna be easy with all the presentations, all the exams and test. BUT i know, with His grace, it will be manageable..

Had been regretting why i actually got in this course and travel all the way to SP this whole week, guess it wasn't helping much for my emotions and thoughts. In fact, making me so tired, so unmotivated. BUT regardless what, i know the reason for me to get into this course is really to train myself up. It is always the toughest circumstances that builds people up. Good attitude good attitude.

This whole 3 years had been really a hard-pressed 3 years. When something tend to crop up, all sides tend to bounce up with problems ALTOGETHER. Everything.. If you say wah easy la, where got tough, i think one day you got to walk in my shoes. But well... I didnt know i had to go thru all these, but i did.

Everyone's test and trials and trainings are set differently, and they build up different characters.
I guess i got to mold myself even more..

Xy, 1 more month..
1 more month and it will be all over. & you will just be left w 6 weeks of 2 modules, and 3 months of internship. & I PRAY, good pay... or i could forfeit the pay just to have nicer colleagues. or can i have both God? i really want to go SOT next year and the pay will really help me alot..

oh well... One more month.
Xy have good expectancy that it will be good! jiayou!

oh & one more thingy thing.
People don't take me seriously when i speak i guess. It's not like im not trying hard to speak properly or whatsoever. Guess i really got this "dont take me seriously" face. idk... Oh well.

No matter what, i want to be a person who speaks "grace" into people's life. Someone who dont speak sarcastically but really with love. Regardless whether it is in SMS or whatsoever. Speak w love... Think before i speak. Because He speaks lovingly, so i shall do it too!

Sought the Lord

Let us exalt His name together, forever
I sought the Lord, He heard me
And delivered me from my fears.
Let us exalt His name together, forever
0 sing His praises magnify the Lord



One of the songs Jingying had been singing, and it is ringing in my head...
I SOUGHT the Lord and He HEARD me and DELIVER me.

Show me...

Really just so so blessed today. Okay maybe just start w ytd. (:

Had cgm ytd. Was asked to lead Praise only, then okay, was practising with Joshua. Yay practise finish then i just told Joshua... "Josh, even though i not leading worship, let's just practise."
Straight aft this, Val told me Jieying looking for me, and i called Jieying. "I'm stuck in a jam, you lead worship for me k?" When i heard that, i was like, "WOW, okay Thank you Jieying!"

God works in such a miraculous way. Didn't expect to lead worship ytd, BUT He gave me this chance to just lead. I am thankful, so so thankful.

You know once, i was just so ashamed, so scared to call out the name of Jesus. I thought it was something stupid, something embarrassing.. Something that shouldn't be coming out of my mouth. But really... Through this whole period of time in my life... I learn, to call out the name of my dearest Abba Father.. My dearest brother, Jesus and my dearest friend and helper, Holy Spirit. All these 3 names are so dear to me.

What i am praying now is that, this names will slowly to reveal more to me who They are.
People may say i am spiritual, but seriously, i am not. I am not spiritual at all, but i am thankful and so grateful, that They are so willing to come into my life, as my Father, my Brother, my friend and helper. Someone so close, so dear that loves me.

In His presence, I find Grace..
This grace is so undeserving.. Something i don't deserve to.

Abba Father.. Have Your way in me.

condemnation?

Walking down the busy street, the wind starts to blow strong and her hair begins to fly. Heart start to turn weary as she looks at the happy people in groups were passing by. Words begins speaking into her head even with a loud earpiece stuck into her ears. Words of discouragement came into her mind and she condemns herself with it.


Self condemnation or discouragements from people?
Most of the times, words in your head speaks louder than what people are speaking to you.
Turn down the words in your head, and choose to stay happy and walk on.
Let your dreams is bigger than the words of condemnation, discouragement.
You are special. You are God's beloved.

wonder how wonder why

sat for 3 4 hours doing nothing.
wonder if im an idiot or what, or that's what they think.

Maybe a change of environment is really good. with different people, different ways of thinking. oh well, i can only just pray... tt this few months or rather actually this last month to pass asap.

fire

A fire running on just merely wax

A fire running on oil that can be refilled again and again


Let Your fire shut up in my bones.
One tt refills and refills without burning out

impact

Just made a stupid tweet, dk how to phrase it actually..

Xiao Shu passed away. Makes me feel that life is so so fragile. But saw this on my friend's fb, tt life even though like final destination, it is still in the hands of Abba father..

Was just thinking, the amount of tears you get in a funeral shows how much you have actually impacted some people's life.. Makes me think, am I am making any difference in ppl's life to make them cry in my funeral in the future? Not tt I want to make them cry, but am I really living a life of inspiration? Or living a life tt is worth living?

Well... Just don't want to live a life of regret. (:
& really be guided and inspire the ppl I ought to inspire. (:

Like a fire shut up in my bones....

Like a fire shut up in my bones
I want the world to know You are God
With a passion burning deep within
I want the world to know that You live

Let Your presence come and saturate
Every part of me, make me new
Let Your Spirit come and move within
Fill me once again 'cause I need more

Jesus I'm desperate for You
Jesus I'm hungry for You
Jesus I'm longing for You
'Cause Lord You are all I want

Come like a flood and saturate me now
You're all I want
Come like the wind and sweep throughout this place
You're all we want


This Love must be something bold...
Allowing you to step out, to really call out His Name and not be ashamed of it. Sometimes i used to be so afraid of.. But if i really love.. i know in His Name, there should not be any unshame-ness, fear.. but boldness...

one of these few nights...

That very night just straight after CWBS while watching online, this burden came, and God just spoke, "are you willing to sit up and pray." was so tired, but while listening to PK preach... this stirring came and i sat up, prayed. something i nv responded and did before but i was glad, i did.

Something that was worth crying out for..
& He came so strong. (okay until my daddy came in the room ad asked what's happening. LOL)

tt was the 4th day.
Today the 7th day, this burden is here again.

The extent of how serious people are makes me doubt sometimes.
Many things makes me just doubt at times, the attitude of people treating other people, even the close ones. & how people should be initiating... & many many.

Honestly people change from time to time. Attitudes, friends, things they love, their goals, their purpose, and it may get a little scary sometimes. Well, all in all... all these of mine may change, but i really pray... Even if it changes, it will align to what God wants me to be.. & this week is really just attitude training ground.

Oh & was talking to auggy again, and he showed me Janice from Jayesslee's fb page and all i can see was Janice replying to everyone from CHC's wall msg to her and she replied to every single one of us. This kind of personal touch, despite being so busy and high on top is what makes people feel so treasured and love... (OKAY JUST REALISE ITS A FAKE ONE, but.... believe tt still, this personal touch is true..)

Praying one day, tt even IF i rise up, get super busy and all. I will never forget about this personal touch to all my different friends and members. and even now as well.

Holiness

The ultimate law of God's house is HOLINESS. 

Amazing word preached tonight. while PK prayed for all of us just, and just before tt when he showed us the video of the Nigerians, when the church prayed, i feel... there was a need to breakthrough that atmosphere. Something that is not about loudness, not about how aggressive we are, but something within that comes out of it to fill up that atmosphere.

We are breaking thru, but there's still something more. & i know, the end of Ezekial only goes to show that our breakthru is coming.. it is! and it's is for glory that we are chosen to suffer for His kingdom cause we are handpicked to go into His most holy place.

Sense this 'suffering' thingy coming already, BUT all is well. cause i got Him in my life!
BREAKTHRU! 3rd day yo!!! :D

7 days

Started on my 7 days beverage fast.
I finished 1 day and today's the 2nd. I CAN DO ITTT :D:D
My breakthru is cominggg!

Like what PK preached, if i want my outrageous miracle, i got to do have outrageous faith. So i really have faith that this week is gonna be a great week, despite of the busy schedule, my God shall provide all my needs according to His riches in His glory. & those who wait upon the Lord shall receive strength!

Was thinking about the mini "stage ministry" i have..
From Chinese church hall to Children church hall to B4 Auditorium.. I am just thankful that He thinks i am up to it. Cuz it is not easy, not easy at all. Many times people think it's just good to stand on that big(to me) stage, but sometimes, when one is just being put up there, your life get expose. When you start worshipping and praising, it is just so obvious to see whether you are doing well or not, for you yourselves and people who are more mature below stage. Maybe just like what PK had shared before, many people can go up to sing, but ultimately God must guard their hearts, cause it is not about the talents, but all about God.

Even though i really wanted a chance to stand on Suntec stage to just serve for one time, it's okay if we didnt get into the Top 2. Am just thankful enough to be able to serve at JW and head to the semi finals of Live Jam.

First thing i really don't want to be seen as, or be like or to have is to really have a prideful heart, a competitive heart to want to do and get what i want. Above all else, i just want to follow in His pathway, guiding me to my every destiny. Praying for my calling recently... even though it's not specific, but i know my main calling is to worship my King of Kings, Lord of Lords. & most importantly, to guard my heart..

Something within changed recently... & i know, because whenever i have that thought, the tension was gone and instead peace came.. & i pray, the peace of God reigns in my life.... (:

favor of men

There few day have been very interesting as well..

One day at work..
I lost my way, 1 guy came up and asked "you lost your way" and told me directions, asked another person for directions and he was nice... That day it was raining too... standing under the rain w/o an umbrella, this woman came to voluntarily shelter me w her umbrella across the road.

Was buying zi zha ytd, usually the aunty was super fierce, and surprisingly she was so nice when she spoke me, when she was a little fierce to the customer before me. Denise placed her wallet and phone on the table, forgot to take it. the aunty kept for her...

and more and more.
My boss was nice to me!

God is really good.

open my eyes

I know Your love is all that i need

And i seek to know the ways of Your heart

Open my eyes O God

Open my heart to see

The wonders of the power of Your Name

My life and my salvation is in You...

Ytd's svc was so awesome. Had this bad dream. Woke up feeling so tired and rejected and just felt everything was wrong. Went to church alone cuz jy and ash was studying in church.

So was feeling just mixed, and then Cynthia sent me one picture of the EMERGE submission video, and it was like me inside, usually i would like "omg so unglam.." and whatsoever, but i was just :'|. & ya, the picture was so timely, so in time.

Went to queue, borrowed Kelvin's sunglasses and then was just saying about being a blind person, and then PK preached about blind man. Just so timely. Everything that PK preached just hit every single point in my heart. Thank you Pst..

By Your grace i'll live

By your grace i'll see

Even though it's a period of bad dreams, spiritual warfare and darkness, His glory will penetrate all darkness and light will shine. Victory is here! I will see what He is doing in state of grumbling.

Always believe in this, that people's surface is not who they are truly are, but not many people succeed in understanding it. They know it, but they dont understand it. Thus always going straight into judgement in state of having compassion. I seek to know the depths, not just the surface, and i pray... its not easy, but i can start doing it now.

Encouragements

Encouragements are actually so so essential to many people's lives.
Not sure about you though, but it is so so important to me. An encouragement actually makes me feel loved, feel so blessed, feels that someone actually care for me. & that is a thing i am always so ever thankful for. To be loved.

These 3 days of exams, okay wasn't tt bad to go thru, because i know every single moment, someone bothered to came to say 'Jiayou' to me or pray for me or confess over my life.

Thank you angels... For just all the encouragements in many many forms.

Just a thought... Random one.
Abba Father gave up His only Son to save the world. 
Abraham could give up his only son because He asked him to give Isaac up. 
2 different kind of sacrifices... More to think about.

Anw had a good day w Spastics. Even though it's short...
Deanna: "Anything recent?"
Me: "I got a new fridge!"
Deana: "Tell me that in the future..."

Cuz everyone's talking about their life happenings, like what's going on. But i really think having a new fridge is a big deal to me... No ice at home, and now a new fridge that can make ICE. WOOHOOO. this is joy!

Or maybe simplicity is just joy. (:
Take joy in simplicity... :D

Shoes...

Woke up w this dream again. What was cool about this dream is that it was my first time dreaming about stuff in church.

I saw Cynthia Kelvin and some other leaders talking about serious stuff at church lvl 4. like saying last year's camp wasn't free, but this year it will or something. and then it was so serious that i dont dare to join them so i saw Jas i went to start praying w her.. then she wanted to leave church, so in a rush i left my shoes in my shoebag at church.

so we walked to pioneer, i reached home. i told jy i left my shoebag at church. so we went back to get it, jy asked "can find meh"? "there's a lost and found there" and church suddenly became so near at shss area.

So to cut short on my dream, amazing thing was actually about the shoes i left in church. Why shoes... so i went to look up on shoes and it speaks of an armor for spiritual warfare.

Wear on your feet shoes that will prepare you to tell the good news about peace.

So i went to look up on it,
"GOSPEL" really means in the Greek language: "Good announce" or "Good message." Our English word EVANGELISM comes from that same Greek word. And in old times, that Greek word EVANGELISM or GOSPEL first didn't mean religion.

It just meant spreading good news like "REJOICE, our VICTORY is here."

And it dawned upon me, that i left my expensive sport shoes bro bought in church, and it means i have actually left my victory in church, and now it's time to really to find it back, and there is a lost and found there. You lost something, you can find it.

Aft Cynthia's blog post, i am amazed. war is here!
Well, dont leave your good victory at church, bring it home w ya!
Shoes are important for soldiers in a fight... I am gonna bring good news even if i have to run very very far cuz i have good shoes!

http://www.christdeaf.org/bible/armor/Armor4_Shoes.htm

Catching the flame, never be the same

Listening to all the old songs i wrote...
Some were unheard, some just simply not that nice.

But oh well, i know there is always this person so ever supportive of my songs, Abba Father...
Listening back to all the songs, it definitely wasn't the best songs around, but it was from my heart but i think i wrote it too quickly and finish it in 2 days or 1. so maybe it wasnt tt true? idk..

So i have this new tune... but no lyrics.
Cause i dont just want to write a song for the sake of writing a song, but rather, a song from the depths... Not just a reflection, but a conviction. A song that has lyrics from my revelations that convicted me.

Was coming up w the tune that day, suddenly this still small voice came and said,
Write because it's your song,
Write because it's your destiny.
At that moment, i was like, woah okay. Why should i write songs about how other people's lives are, i write cause it is my song. I guess this is what the other songwriters write for...

Listening to many other songs written, there is this certain power in their songs, cause they definitely had this encounter when they wrote this song. Inspired by all the lyrics, and actually made me think, im quite lousy actually when it comes to songwriting.

But when i think about it, my audience is not people nor men, but Abba...
So it's alright. I keep writing, i will keep improving. IT'S GOOD.

Always so blessed when i hear the still small voice that reminds me and guides me.
Not just godly stuff, but when i forgot something at work, "you still have this" and i was stun... okay. TYJ!

Still small voice... 

I thank God. Despite of all i went thru, i am still standing here. Somehow this year's storm is different from last year's. But every year i learn something so true, so real...

So another thing..
Recently, i learned, to love being me. to just stop being like others, and be me. i am created to be me, not to be other people. so why get so bothered by what other does, i have a specific destiny for me from Abba Father.

KKKKKK, STUDY.
Exam is another 13hours, im halfway done.
Feel quite at peace though... NO COMPLACENCY! STUDY!

i could sing of You love forever

Not every worship song have to be in tears, crying and all.

Every worship song tells of a story.

I could sing of You love forever... :D:D:D

Let this worship of mine not just only be in tears. but joy as well... (:

one of David's Psalm

1 Generous in love-God, give grace! Huge in mercy-wipe out my bad record. 2 Scrub away my guilt, soak out my sins in your laundry. 3 I know how bad I've been; my sins are staring me down.

4 You're the One I've violated, and you've seen it all, seen the full extent of my evil. You have all the facts before you; whatever you decide about me is fair. 5 I've been out of step with you for a long time, in the wrong since before I was born. 6 What you're after is truth from the inside out. Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life.

7 Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean, scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life. 8 Tune me in to foot-tapping songs, set these once-broken bones to dancing. 9 Don't look too close for blemishes, give me a clean bill of health. 10 God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. 11 Don't throw me out with the trash, or fail to breathe holiness in me. 12 Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails! 13 Give me a job teaching rebels your ways so the lost can find their way home. 14 Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God, and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways. 15 Unbutton my lips, dear God; I'll let loose with your praise.

16 Going through the motions doesn't please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you. 17 I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice.

18 Make Zion the place you delight in, repair Jerusalem's broken-down walls. 19 Then you'll get real worship from us, acts of worship small and large, Including all the bulls they can heave onto your altar!

The Psalm God spoke to me in the beginning of the year...
Create in me new heart... and thIs morning went to check the other versions.
This is the psalm..

self transformation

In a phase of self transformation. But definitely by the leading of God.

No longer I,

No longer I,

No longer I.

But Christ who lives in me.

The old man shall pass away, and the new man shall live.