Hands that write the story of my life

Hands that write the story of my life
I trust in You alone
Spirit be my guide

Finally ended my paper today, its truly freedom....
Looking back on the past 3 plus years i have been in SP, wasnt the best, wasn't what anyone would want, but i really thank God, i am able to make good friends to talk to in school despite of what happened in Y1, having the smartest team mates around and all. If i were to just look back to count how much tears i cried because of school, its countless, but i really thank God I'm reaching the end and i was made stronger. (Nah don't believe i have any modules to forward in Jesus name.)

I wandered,  i came back.
I believe this sem i am much better, and i learned so much thru everything i gone thru. Filled w thankfulness right now.

Many things, but i managed to cope. Believe and believe and it made me stronger. Thank God for His Spirit being my guide...

perspective

What is so scary to me is people's perspective towards things especially when one havent finish speaking.

But different people, different perspective.
This goes on and on. No use proving anything, at the end of the day after speaking all the words, actions still prove everything.

Because You gave, I'm taken out of misery...
Because You died, I'm rescued from my sin and shame
Because You loved, I found my heart to love again
You taken me, and set me free....

Never want to..

Never want to come to this place,
where i feel i am too grown up,
that i forgot who was the one who bought me up,
and fed me well, and was there all the time when i needed someone..

I can't deny

I can't deny, A love's so true

Breaks me down till i got nothing to hide

I can't deny, The hope i feel

Forever undivided You and I..

Current feeling, idk whether i am feeling a sunset or a sunrise.
Righto. Trends that comes and then go... Seasons that comes and then change again.
Just so confused, but I cannot deny, no matter what, this love is still so true even if no one is here.

Blessed by what Pst Bill shared about when he was a kid and no one prayed w him at the altar call.. When people were praying w the kids, becuz he was abandoned, he prayed himself...
"God... If nobody wants me, BUT if you want me... Take me as i am."
This just hit me.. BUT if you want me, take me as i am.

No one can ever see what you are going thru, but He knows it all.
A love so true, breaks me down till i got nothing to hide..
This light in the darkness.

Something about the light nowadays.
Be my light wont You...


[edit]

& had this vision once... I was hugging this black kid crying.
When i saw Pst Bill showing the black kid having this tumor on His head, my heart just teared, tears flow out. Maybe, just maybe, one day i would be this missionary i see in my vision hugging tt kid who needs love just like how much i know love is so important to me.

[edited]

That should be me...

Was just thinking about righteousness.

The true righteousness and just being self righteous.
Actually in my perspective, everyone have moments where they are so self righteous that they stand up for themselves even when they are wrong, just it's just a man-nature. Even when times they know they are wrong, they insist themselves being right. (HEY NO PINPOINTING, just a random one, okay maybe me) Or rare cases, men who dont.

Sometimes too much of this self righteousness moment leads stubbornness and this would be pride...
& maybe its time to do a self check if you have been thinking you're always right in all things.
You are not the one that is right, Jesus is the one who leads you to righteousness.
Be led by Him. & no one loves a prideful man, personally i hate it. So yeah.. i dont wanna be one.

Meanwhile, praying that these self-righteousness moments will turn to more of Jesus centered moments.

What happened recently... Had fun but.... i really need more time like the photo below.

Soul time...

In the dark, Light shines

Sometimes some many things happen together and when it does, i see something similar out of it and it really seems like God is telling me something thru them.

Currently thinking about being in the light. Being in the light so that i am truthful with myself, truthful and know whatever i am doing is right or wrong. Wrong it may be in other's eyes, but i let it be in the light, it will seem less wrong then keeping it in the dark. cuz when it is in the light, greater light will shine on it and all darkness (it may have) will be gone. but if it continues to be in the dark, forever it will be in the dark.
My life principle, not to keep anything in the dark. i want to do 光明正大-ly but at the same time be really really wise.

& may i fulfill it.

& was thinking bout this,
the SPOT-LIGHT, LIGHT and DARKNESS.

2nd official paper ltr at 9am, and if this GHRM is over, i will be so glad. i think i studied for it quite well alrdy. Really pray i pass it and maybe just do well.... Cannot afford to not do well and get a D again. my GPA is crying out for salvation.

Feeling so argh now because idk, maybe i know why.
Sometimes i cant stand it when people entrust you w some stuff and then you go tell the www. not tt it's happening to me, but i get really irritated when i see people do it. May not be tt serious, but not your business, then pls dont tell the www, tell only the people tt shld know.

okay, praying i keep all these down and dont do things i dont like.
Got to really learn all these and do it right.

Let light penetrate thru my words, my everything.
I need a getaway after these papers. I need preparation for everything tts gonna happen aft this whole thing, i need to start not running away and running thru the legs of my giants, but fight them. GIANT WATCH OUT, im gonna conquer you so you will be out of my head.

Weird post. ahhh so not me in this post. Oh well.
Need somewhere to vent anyway, this is the place.

(:

From the days of 3 to 5 people attending service and all, God had had been good. Really good (:

the sky

Something about this picture that describes my feeling so much.

Realise something bout me. Im a person who cant express properly or well enough for people thru words, but it doesn't mean tt a person who cant express themselves thru words are idiots and are dumb.

People can express themselves thru pictures, drawing, music or even just music without lyrics.
Concluded, words are not the only thing that can express people's feeling. & to understand those people who can't express thru words is really a skill.

& everyone got to find something or somewhere to express themselves.

3am

3AM NOW.
and im just done w my FYP recommendation.
Really pray it is okay... tt determines my life of 4credits of this whole project and it's just doing an exam.

kk off to sleep!!

Assurance

Slept at 5am ytd cause of fyp slides and then i overslept max for class and miss 1 tutorial & lecture. Feeling so guilty already. :/ even though it was kinda sad tt we nv present today, im fine w it. can head off early anws. haha.

Feeling like a zombie? actually not tt bad, cause i had like 4 hours of sleep. the weather was so nice to just sleep in... i really want to sleep in like for 24 hours, but oh well. Projects first and i will get my 1 half month of sleep, lol i sound like a bear hibernating. (not computer ah)

Had lunch with dear Jieying just now.. So glad i could have lunch with her and catch up and just listen to her and everything. Now i am really just assured. This is really just a season, and it will pass, but my heart will never die unless i cause it to die.

Was just talking to Jieying about Job just now, and she said i describe Job as a emo person instead of a faith-filled man. but it was true that he's a very emo person. He complained and complained until he didn't even know what he was complaining about. Like you know complain about things that is so out of point until you left the first thing you ae complaining about.
eg. i lost my dog.. studies is tiring... i can't even stand properly ahh. Life sucks.
Example kinda fail but you get what i mean ;)

Job 38:2 "Why do you confuse the issue?
Why do you talk without knowing what you're talking about?
(HAH got proof, Job was complaining till he forgot what he was complaining bout)

Till one part, when Elihu, the son of barachel the Buzite, of the family of Ram spoke against the 3 "friends" of job, and i think he very the polite loh, never cut in and scold the 3 old men directly, but waited for them to finish talking. & when Elihu spoke, because of his spirit that cause Job to start seeing and hearing, God decided to reveal his omnipotence to Job. Just a guy with the right spirit, cause God to appear in a whirlwind.

Be of the right spirit!
& dont complain till you complain until you forgot the main pt till you emo like siao.
What i conclude is that complaining makes one emo no matter what, so be of the right spirit, dont complain over the slightest thing.

Jayesslee

"Failure in Disguise" (lyrics) -- Jayesslee
Have you ever felt like you were the only one on the road?
Have you ever wondered, "Where has everybody gone?"
Have you ever felt abandoned?
Have you ever felt alone?

Have you ever felt like just crying out for help?
And then did you wonder "Will they even understand?"
Have you ever felt a pain you could not bear?
But the world, it goes around just fine anyway.

Well I, I hear your cry,
And I, I feel your pain;
I know you try so hard
To make things right,
To overcome
This endless fight--
Just don't give up.

Have you ever felt like you just stepped over the line?
And then, did you just pretend that everything was fine?
Have you ever felt nobody knows who you are?
Have you ever felt like a failure in disguise?

Well I, I hear your cry,
And I, I feel your pain;
I know you try so hard
To make things right,
To overcome
This endless fight--
Just don't give up;
Just don't give up;
Just don't give up;
I won't give up.

Lyrics that understands,
Spirit that comforts..
Voices like angels.
I love Jayesslee!!

simple joy

Was just walking to Bedok mrt station just now, and saw this poster of Yeos pcket drink and saw my primary school favourite lemon barley. 

This may be very kua zhang but saw a flashback back to primary school. when just one packet of lemon barley during recess just made me happy the whole day. 

& then to think about  i just drank one not long ago, but the same joy wasn't there... 

As we grow older, we tend to have more things. we get more things, and our wants subconciously turn to our "needs".. we "need" more things now when in the past, just $1 of allowance can make us happy the whole day. 

Just the simple joy in life..

Never be unsatisfied w the things in your life, cuz you were once so happy over little stuff in the past. Yeah things may change, economy changes, you're richer, get more allowance than you use to.. but what if one day its all gone.. 

At the day when it does... 

I pray I choose to have tt simple joy. cuz this simple joy good enough to make m happy. & simple joy means having to be content w what I have now.

Eyes

When things and life are all good,
it's pretty easy to say,
"when i meet w bad things, i am so able to conquer it"...

BUT when you truly meet with the bad things in life,
how are you gonna conquer it?

The more you walk life, the tougher the challenges get..
Basic theory of life and challenges all may know...

But it's about walking the walk of life.
It's not a habit to say "pray that... blah blah blah", but honestly, i really believe in the power of prayer. At least i know someone is listening and it may or may not come true.

& i pray i will never give up on this life.
To face my challenges and be stronger.

Live this life a sacrifice.
To open my eyes and ears, to listen and see, so one day i may be the instrument for ppl to open people's ears and eyes...

Grace seeker

Up in the morning, need to do research.
Not complaining though, had my well deserved rest already, so no rights to complain!

Continue to do project now!
OH and i had the best presentation ytd during EIR. Maybe in some people's eyes it wasn't that good, but i felt it was just the most enjoyable one ever, like i can be like me. HAHAHA.

k research before my comp dies!

I believe..

Seems like a long time since i blogged.

Had been so busy w school projects and all. Just project meetings alone is tiring, but i thank God, for people who understands, who observes and speaks up. Had been just a little too over negative these past weeks, but i really thank God, im finally doing something.

But, all i want is to really just run past this 1 month... One whole month aint gonna be easy with all the presentations, all the exams and test. BUT i know, with His grace, it will be manageable..

Had been regretting why i actually got in this course and travel all the way to SP this whole week, guess it wasn't helping much for my emotions and thoughts. In fact, making me so tired, so unmotivated. BUT regardless what, i know the reason for me to get into this course is really to train myself up. It is always the toughest circumstances that builds people up. Good attitude good attitude.

This whole 3 years had been really a hard-pressed 3 years. When something tend to crop up, all sides tend to bounce up with problems ALTOGETHER. Everything.. If you say wah easy la, where got tough, i think one day you got to walk in my shoes. But well... I didnt know i had to go thru all these, but i did.

Everyone's test and trials and trainings are set differently, and they build up different characters.
I guess i got to mold myself even more..

Xy, 1 more month..
1 more month and it will be all over. & you will just be left w 6 weeks of 2 modules, and 3 months of internship. & I PRAY, good pay... or i could forfeit the pay just to have nicer colleagues. or can i have both God? i really want to go SOT next year and the pay will really help me alot..

oh well... One more month.
Xy have good expectancy that it will be good! jiayou!

oh & one more thingy thing.
People don't take me seriously when i speak i guess. It's not like im not trying hard to speak properly or whatsoever. Guess i really got this "dont take me seriously" face. idk... Oh well.

No matter what, i want to be a person who speaks "grace" into people's life. Someone who dont speak sarcastically but really with love. Regardless whether it is in SMS or whatsoever. Speak w love... Think before i speak. Because He speaks lovingly, so i shall do it too!

Sought the Lord

Let us exalt His name together, forever
I sought the Lord, He heard me
And delivered me from my fears.
Let us exalt His name together, forever
0 sing His praises magnify the Lord



One of the songs Jingying had been singing, and it is ringing in my head...
I SOUGHT the Lord and He HEARD me and DELIVER me.

Show me...

Really just so so blessed today. Okay maybe just start w ytd. (:

Had cgm ytd. Was asked to lead Praise only, then okay, was practising with Joshua. Yay practise finish then i just told Joshua... "Josh, even though i not leading worship, let's just practise."
Straight aft this, Val told me Jieying looking for me, and i called Jieying. "I'm stuck in a jam, you lead worship for me k?" When i heard that, i was like, "WOW, okay Thank you Jieying!"

God works in such a miraculous way. Didn't expect to lead worship ytd, BUT He gave me this chance to just lead. I am thankful, so so thankful.

You know once, i was just so ashamed, so scared to call out the name of Jesus. I thought it was something stupid, something embarrassing.. Something that shouldn't be coming out of my mouth. But really... Through this whole period of time in my life... I learn, to call out the name of my dearest Abba Father.. My dearest brother, Jesus and my dearest friend and helper, Holy Spirit. All these 3 names are so dear to me.

What i am praying now is that, this names will slowly to reveal more to me who They are.
People may say i am spiritual, but seriously, i am not. I am not spiritual at all, but i am thankful and so grateful, that They are so willing to come into my life, as my Father, my Brother, my friend and helper. Someone so close, so dear that loves me.

In His presence, I find Grace..
This grace is so undeserving.. Something i don't deserve to.

Abba Father.. Have Your way in me.

condemnation?

Walking down the busy street, the wind starts to blow strong and her hair begins to fly. Heart start to turn weary as she looks at the happy people in groups were passing by. Words begins speaking into her head even with a loud earpiece stuck into her ears. Words of discouragement came into her mind and she condemns herself with it.


Self condemnation or discouragements from people?
Most of the times, words in your head speaks louder than what people are speaking to you.
Turn down the words in your head, and choose to stay happy and walk on.
Let your dreams is bigger than the words of condemnation, discouragement.
You are special. You are God's beloved.

wonder how wonder why

sat for 3 4 hours doing nothing.
wonder if im an idiot or what, or that's what they think.

Maybe a change of environment is really good. with different people, different ways of thinking. oh well, i can only just pray... tt this few months or rather actually this last month to pass asap.