Not because i'm having split personality, or i'm 2 face or what, but i realize its just how much i'm willing to let that person know me or how open i am to that person. Actually it applies to everyone not only me.
To my Spastics, to my friends in church, to my leaders, to my members, to my parents, to jy, to my elder bro and sister, to my schoolmates, or to every different individuals, everyone know me for something, but it might not be the whole of me.
People can know us by, the crazy side, the quiet side, the responsible side, the smart side, the stupid side, the awesome side and so many many sides cause we chose to let them know this side of us.
& sometimes, we're more open to this person, and less open to that one, share this here, share this there and all.. All because of our choice to open up to a person. & sometimes we are just so afraid to share that we dont even tell anyone, and that's our choice too. Not just secrets but also just some character sides, like showing ur temper to others...
But i know at the end of the day, if someone cares to add all the sides we have and then starts to analysis them, he/she will get it, get who we truly are.
I also came to realise this one little thing bout me, or maybe most of us, we are so so bothered by other's opinion at times, that we try to be the very perfect glass ornaments, place on the glass cupboard, perfectly for the world to see. The higher we are placed, the more perfect we want to be, because one slight crack would cause others to pin-point us and we will feel so low self esteem or whatsoever. & we try not to move so much, cuz it might cause a big crack where people will notice it and we fear that we might be taken down from the shelf, without knowing that deep within, we might already be cracking.
So i made this decision, not to be so bothered by how other think about me, as long as i know i'm doing what the person up there wants me to do, and do it right, it's good enough. Cause in the end, it's not everyone who knows the whole situation and the true me, but Someone out there, who knows it all. I rather be me, then be who the world wants me to be.
Even if i do have a crack, an imperfection, i will come down of that shelf and be fix again, and then put me at at any part of that shelf i am at.
Reminds me of potter and the clay.
Okay, just random thoughts.
I dont even get some parts. I'm not a writer.. pardon me! :D
Still thinking..
I'm not very perfect, and i still have negative thoughts, but i'm gonna change them in 2011!
Finally, school later on!