nice guys finish last

So......

I finally cut my hair shorter than usual in 10 years time. & i dye back my natural natural brown colour.
this picture dont look like me i know but ya, see me in real life if i let you see me.

Thank God my new maid is coming tmr. My hands are so so so dry from washing and hanging and ironing and cleaning. but thank God for this whole time experience though. Love spending time w mum even though she gets very naggy but still, lovessss.

Work tmr. kbye!

Rolling in the deep

There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bring me out the dark.

Been doing house chores till i drop dead, like dead.
Appreciate all helpers and mums for doing house chores and all. and it's not really tt good to stay in a big house though. im dead beat...

In need of a good massage if anyone wanna volunteer. hahah just joking!

so...... these were the past week pictures where i am not a maid. 

Running tmr. Bedok reservoir again! yay to bedok reservoir being so close to my house!

Letters to God

"There is more to life than this..."

Watched Letters to God...

"Dear God, i think we did it. You told me not to be afraid, and i wasn't. I just wanted everyone to believe. Love, Tyler"

Dont want to spoil this show by typing out the whole plot but i am just so touched by this show that thru one boy's letter, his hope was spread to many. His life was a letter... A must show show even if you dont believe..

"You show that you are a letter from Christ... written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.- 2 Cor 3:3"

This life we live is not just mere talking and talking, but a life living its message. Even if i type the best things, speaks the best motivating stuff, yet not living them out, i am just an empty shell, an artificial person selling a look like it yet a fake product.

If i wanna be a real product, i got to live the right thing, right way, showing who i am as what i am saying. Never want to be an artificial..

Blessed by Pst Phil's book and this movie..

Rise up....

Just finished my work at Xinmin Primary! really think kids are so adorable except for a few.. but its like so awesome to be a teacher, you get to impact lives slowly slowly but surely.

Okay this weird but having a stomache now and I'm on the train and think I'm gonna explode! ahhhhh just joking. 

"Dreams that die, they come to life again..."

Served ytd in zone meeting. it seems that this time, there's this beakthru, and everything did there was something abit more than before. thank you Holy Spirit! 

Having family dinner later! gnna be so good! :D 

the genuine heart

was just thinking, we can see easily if a heart is genuine to you or not.. & also, if effort is put into a certain thing you are doing..

But what happens if you have actually more than one to be genuine to? or more than one stuff you have to put effort in to? will there be this balance or will you focus on one so much more than the other?

But learning how to balance actually one thing all humans have to learn to do... Learnin to balance is askill...

Anw, had fun w sarah jasmin ting gary gouwei stanley today esp those who remained at the bar aft tt. hearts poured out, sharing stuff. something hvent been ding for a long long time. thannks guys! :D

Awesome friends running in same directions of life. cheers!

cannot believe

Looking thru past pictures and i realise something, i cannot believe that i am really skinny inside those pictures because i was a hardcore photoshop-per, photoshopping all the pictures.

So my motivation now is that i am really prettier than before.
SO i am running w Pauline every three times a week this holiday.
WO KE YI DE! JIAYOU XY! :D

That is how it seems, you cannot believe a picture till you find out whats beneath.
Kinda my life principal. haha.
Bye!

So this is what happened at Edwin and Rae's wedding..
Both leader that inspired my life the most! But ironically, i dont have pic w both of them here YET hahhaa.
PHOTO SPAMMING

All ripped off from facebook but it's here for me to refer back on my life.
I kinda prefer how i blogged last time. more happening then how it is now. This blog is getting boring, why can't i just be myself.
SMILEEEEE :D

Time

Time proves so many things.

Time and time again, the same thing happens and sometimes, it's making me lose trust in this kinda thing and it starts to make myself so protective against such stuff. Things changes, and i know i cannot make any differences if that certain thing wanna change. BUT i am secure in Christ.

God knows it all, and i am blessed enough to know tt.

Things nowadays are so so different.
But i am contented to know if i do not change for the worse.
Well, perspective of worse is different in many people's eyes. But mine, is not to leave this secret place of mine and to move into the vision He have in stored for me.

Search my heart O Lord, 
Make it ever true... 
Search my heart O Lord, 
May i be like You...

[edit]

and so i was reading my old posts, and i am thankful for times when i wrote little small revelations on my blog. helps me, and i thank God.
In all times, i will praise. :D

[edited]

to think about it...

Sometimes I think, I take my mum and my dad for granted. too much that I expect them to provide r me all the time, them to fetch me when need a transport becuz of my laziness..

And more and more.

Sometimes I feel ppl nowadays think tt parents are suppose to do and do and provide for us and expect a lot from them to agree to our requests when all these things they are doing not becuz an obligation thing, "they have to" but they "want to". a decision to keep me, a decision to make me grow to be an adult.

I am thankful..
Difficult not to be angry w parents cuz its inaviodable in this age, but I must always be thankful.

& all these PO thru the years, I'm learning a lot. Thank you Jesus.

thank you Abba Father for planning this whole life for me.

change

Change may be good, may be bad.

But today the change i see in my dear dear Kit makes me feel so blessed..

I love you Kit!
Till the next time we take a picture, i know there will be so much more changes for the better in you.
I believe in YOU! love ya!

Hands that write the story of my life

Hands that write the story of my life
I trust in You alone
Spirit be my guide

Finally ended my paper today, its truly freedom....
Looking back on the past 3 plus years i have been in SP, wasnt the best, wasn't what anyone would want, but i really thank God, i am able to make good friends to talk to in school despite of what happened in Y1, having the smartest team mates around and all. If i were to just look back to count how much tears i cried because of school, its countless, but i really thank God I'm reaching the end and i was made stronger. (Nah don't believe i have any modules to forward in Jesus name.)

I wandered,  i came back.
I believe this sem i am much better, and i learned so much thru everything i gone thru. Filled w thankfulness right now.

Many things, but i managed to cope. Believe and believe and it made me stronger. Thank God for His Spirit being my guide...

perspective

What is so scary to me is people's perspective towards things especially when one havent finish speaking.

But different people, different perspective.
This goes on and on. No use proving anything, at the end of the day after speaking all the words, actions still prove everything.

Because You gave, I'm taken out of misery...
Because You died, I'm rescued from my sin and shame
Because You loved, I found my heart to love again
You taken me, and set me free....

Never want to..

Never want to come to this place,
where i feel i am too grown up,
that i forgot who was the one who bought me up,
and fed me well, and was there all the time when i needed someone..

I can't deny

I can't deny, A love's so true

Breaks me down till i got nothing to hide

I can't deny, The hope i feel

Forever undivided You and I..

Current feeling, idk whether i am feeling a sunset or a sunrise.
Righto. Trends that comes and then go... Seasons that comes and then change again.
Just so confused, but I cannot deny, no matter what, this love is still so true even if no one is here.

Blessed by what Pst Bill shared about when he was a kid and no one prayed w him at the altar call.. When people were praying w the kids, becuz he was abandoned, he prayed himself...
"God... If nobody wants me, BUT if you want me... Take me as i am."
This just hit me.. BUT if you want me, take me as i am.

No one can ever see what you are going thru, but He knows it all.
A love so true, breaks me down till i got nothing to hide..
This light in the darkness.

Something about the light nowadays.
Be my light wont You...


[edit]

& had this vision once... I was hugging this black kid crying.
When i saw Pst Bill showing the black kid having this tumor on His head, my heart just teared, tears flow out. Maybe, just maybe, one day i would be this missionary i see in my vision hugging tt kid who needs love just like how much i know love is so important to me.

[edited]

That should be me...

Was just thinking about righteousness.

The true righteousness and just being self righteous.
Actually in my perspective, everyone have moments where they are so self righteous that they stand up for themselves even when they are wrong, just it's just a man-nature. Even when times they know they are wrong, they insist themselves being right. (HEY NO PINPOINTING, just a random one, okay maybe me) Or rare cases, men who dont.

Sometimes too much of this self righteousness moment leads stubbornness and this would be pride...
& maybe its time to do a self check if you have been thinking you're always right in all things.
You are not the one that is right, Jesus is the one who leads you to righteousness.
Be led by Him. & no one loves a prideful man, personally i hate it. So yeah.. i dont wanna be one.

Meanwhile, praying that these self-righteousness moments will turn to more of Jesus centered moments.

What happened recently... Had fun but.... i really need more time like the photo below.

Soul time...

In the dark, Light shines

Sometimes some many things happen together and when it does, i see something similar out of it and it really seems like God is telling me something thru them.

Currently thinking about being in the light. Being in the light so that i am truthful with myself, truthful and know whatever i am doing is right or wrong. Wrong it may be in other's eyes, but i let it be in the light, it will seem less wrong then keeping it in the dark. cuz when it is in the light, greater light will shine on it and all darkness (it may have) will be gone. but if it continues to be in the dark, forever it will be in the dark.
My life principle, not to keep anything in the dark. i want to do 光明正大-ly but at the same time be really really wise.

& may i fulfill it.

& was thinking bout this,
the SPOT-LIGHT, LIGHT and DARKNESS.

2nd official paper ltr at 9am, and if this GHRM is over, i will be so glad. i think i studied for it quite well alrdy. Really pray i pass it and maybe just do well.... Cannot afford to not do well and get a D again. my GPA is crying out for salvation.

Feeling so argh now because idk, maybe i know why.
Sometimes i cant stand it when people entrust you w some stuff and then you go tell the www. not tt it's happening to me, but i get really irritated when i see people do it. May not be tt serious, but not your business, then pls dont tell the www, tell only the people tt shld know.

okay, praying i keep all these down and dont do things i dont like.
Got to really learn all these and do it right.

Let light penetrate thru my words, my everything.
I need a getaway after these papers. I need preparation for everything tts gonna happen aft this whole thing, i need to start not running away and running thru the legs of my giants, but fight them. GIANT WATCH OUT, im gonna conquer you so you will be out of my head.

Weird post. ahhh so not me in this post. Oh well.
Need somewhere to vent anyway, this is the place.

(:

From the days of 3 to 5 people attending service and all, God had had been good. Really good (:

the sky

Something about this picture that describes my feeling so much.

Realise something bout me. Im a person who cant express properly or well enough for people thru words, but it doesn't mean tt a person who cant express themselves thru words are idiots and are dumb.

People can express themselves thru pictures, drawing, music or even just music without lyrics.
Concluded, words are not the only thing that can express people's feeling. & to understand those people who can't express thru words is really a skill.

& everyone got to find something or somewhere to express themselves.

3am

3AM NOW.
and im just done w my FYP recommendation.
Really pray it is okay... tt determines my life of 4credits of this whole project and it's just doing an exam.

kk off to sleep!!

Assurance

Slept at 5am ytd cause of fyp slides and then i overslept max for class and miss 1 tutorial & lecture. Feeling so guilty already. :/ even though it was kinda sad tt we nv present today, im fine w it. can head off early anws. haha.

Feeling like a zombie? actually not tt bad, cause i had like 4 hours of sleep. the weather was so nice to just sleep in... i really want to sleep in like for 24 hours, but oh well. Projects first and i will get my 1 half month of sleep, lol i sound like a bear hibernating. (not computer ah)

Had lunch with dear Jieying just now.. So glad i could have lunch with her and catch up and just listen to her and everything. Now i am really just assured. This is really just a season, and it will pass, but my heart will never die unless i cause it to die.

Was just talking to Jieying about Job just now, and she said i describe Job as a emo person instead of a faith-filled man. but it was true that he's a very emo person. He complained and complained until he didn't even know what he was complaining about. Like you know complain about things that is so out of point until you left the first thing you ae complaining about.
eg. i lost my dog.. studies is tiring... i can't even stand properly ahh. Life sucks.
Example kinda fail but you get what i mean ;)

Job 38:2 "Why do you confuse the issue?
Why do you talk without knowing what you're talking about?
(HAH got proof, Job was complaining till he forgot what he was complaining bout)

Till one part, when Elihu, the son of barachel the Buzite, of the family of Ram spoke against the 3 "friends" of job, and i think he very the polite loh, never cut in and scold the 3 old men directly, but waited for them to finish talking. & when Elihu spoke, because of his spirit that cause Job to start seeing and hearing, God decided to reveal his omnipotence to Job. Just a guy with the right spirit, cause God to appear in a whirlwind.

Be of the right spirit!
& dont complain till you complain until you forgot the main pt till you emo like siao.
What i conclude is that complaining makes one emo no matter what, so be of the right spirit, dont complain over the slightest thing.

Jayesslee

"Failure in Disguise" (lyrics) -- Jayesslee
Have you ever felt like you were the only one on the road?
Have you ever wondered, "Where has everybody gone?"
Have you ever felt abandoned?
Have you ever felt alone?

Have you ever felt like just crying out for help?
And then did you wonder "Will they even understand?"
Have you ever felt a pain you could not bear?
But the world, it goes around just fine anyway.

Well I, I hear your cry,
And I, I feel your pain;
I know you try so hard
To make things right,
To overcome
This endless fight--
Just don't give up.

Have you ever felt like you just stepped over the line?
And then, did you just pretend that everything was fine?
Have you ever felt nobody knows who you are?
Have you ever felt like a failure in disguise?

Well I, I hear your cry,
And I, I feel your pain;
I know you try so hard
To make things right,
To overcome
This endless fight--
Just don't give up;
Just don't give up;
Just don't give up;
I won't give up.

Lyrics that understands,
Spirit that comforts..
Voices like angels.
I love Jayesslee!!

simple joy

Was just walking to Bedok mrt station just now, and saw this poster of Yeos pcket drink and saw my primary school favourite lemon barley. 

This may be very kua zhang but saw a flashback back to primary school. when just one packet of lemon barley during recess just made me happy the whole day. 

& then to think about  i just drank one not long ago, but the same joy wasn't there... 

As we grow older, we tend to have more things. we get more things, and our wants subconciously turn to our "needs".. we "need" more things now when in the past, just $1 of allowance can make us happy the whole day. 

Just the simple joy in life..

Never be unsatisfied w the things in your life, cuz you were once so happy over little stuff in the past. Yeah things may change, economy changes, you're richer, get more allowance than you use to.. but what if one day its all gone.. 

At the day when it does... 

I pray I choose to have tt simple joy. cuz this simple joy good enough to make m happy. & simple joy means having to be content w what I have now.

Eyes

When things and life are all good,
it's pretty easy to say,
"when i meet w bad things, i am so able to conquer it"...

BUT when you truly meet with the bad things in life,
how are you gonna conquer it?

The more you walk life, the tougher the challenges get..
Basic theory of life and challenges all may know...

But it's about walking the walk of life.
It's not a habit to say "pray that... blah blah blah", but honestly, i really believe in the power of prayer. At least i know someone is listening and it may or may not come true.

& i pray i will never give up on this life.
To face my challenges and be stronger.

Live this life a sacrifice.
To open my eyes and ears, to listen and see, so one day i may be the instrument for ppl to open people's ears and eyes...

Grace seeker

Up in the morning, need to do research.
Not complaining though, had my well deserved rest already, so no rights to complain!

Continue to do project now!
OH and i had the best presentation ytd during EIR. Maybe in some people's eyes it wasn't that good, but i felt it was just the most enjoyable one ever, like i can be like me. HAHAHA.

k research before my comp dies!

I believe..

Seems like a long time since i blogged.

Had been so busy w school projects and all. Just project meetings alone is tiring, but i thank God, for people who understands, who observes and speaks up. Had been just a little too over negative these past weeks, but i really thank God, im finally doing something.

But, all i want is to really just run past this 1 month... One whole month aint gonna be easy with all the presentations, all the exams and test. BUT i know, with His grace, it will be manageable..

Had been regretting why i actually got in this course and travel all the way to SP this whole week, guess it wasn't helping much for my emotions and thoughts. In fact, making me so tired, so unmotivated. BUT regardless what, i know the reason for me to get into this course is really to train myself up. It is always the toughest circumstances that builds people up. Good attitude good attitude.

This whole 3 years had been really a hard-pressed 3 years. When something tend to crop up, all sides tend to bounce up with problems ALTOGETHER. Everything.. If you say wah easy la, where got tough, i think one day you got to walk in my shoes. But well... I didnt know i had to go thru all these, but i did.

Everyone's test and trials and trainings are set differently, and they build up different characters.
I guess i got to mold myself even more..

Xy, 1 more month..
1 more month and it will be all over. & you will just be left w 6 weeks of 2 modules, and 3 months of internship. & I PRAY, good pay... or i could forfeit the pay just to have nicer colleagues. or can i have both God? i really want to go SOT next year and the pay will really help me alot..

oh well... One more month.
Xy have good expectancy that it will be good! jiayou!

oh & one more thingy thing.
People don't take me seriously when i speak i guess. It's not like im not trying hard to speak properly or whatsoever. Guess i really got this "dont take me seriously" face. idk... Oh well.

No matter what, i want to be a person who speaks "grace" into people's life. Someone who dont speak sarcastically but really with love. Regardless whether it is in SMS or whatsoever. Speak w love... Think before i speak. Because He speaks lovingly, so i shall do it too!

Sought the Lord

Let us exalt His name together, forever
I sought the Lord, He heard me
And delivered me from my fears.
Let us exalt His name together, forever
0 sing His praises magnify the Lord



One of the songs Jingying had been singing, and it is ringing in my head...
I SOUGHT the Lord and He HEARD me and DELIVER me.

Show me...

Really just so so blessed today. Okay maybe just start w ytd. (:

Had cgm ytd. Was asked to lead Praise only, then okay, was practising with Joshua. Yay practise finish then i just told Joshua... "Josh, even though i not leading worship, let's just practise."
Straight aft this, Val told me Jieying looking for me, and i called Jieying. "I'm stuck in a jam, you lead worship for me k?" When i heard that, i was like, "WOW, okay Thank you Jieying!"

God works in such a miraculous way. Didn't expect to lead worship ytd, BUT He gave me this chance to just lead. I am thankful, so so thankful.

You know once, i was just so ashamed, so scared to call out the name of Jesus. I thought it was something stupid, something embarrassing.. Something that shouldn't be coming out of my mouth. But really... Through this whole period of time in my life... I learn, to call out the name of my dearest Abba Father.. My dearest brother, Jesus and my dearest friend and helper, Holy Spirit. All these 3 names are so dear to me.

What i am praying now is that, this names will slowly to reveal more to me who They are.
People may say i am spiritual, but seriously, i am not. I am not spiritual at all, but i am thankful and so grateful, that They are so willing to come into my life, as my Father, my Brother, my friend and helper. Someone so close, so dear that loves me.

In His presence, I find Grace..
This grace is so undeserving.. Something i don't deserve to.

Abba Father.. Have Your way in me.

condemnation?

Walking down the busy street, the wind starts to blow strong and her hair begins to fly. Heart start to turn weary as she looks at the happy people in groups were passing by. Words begins speaking into her head even with a loud earpiece stuck into her ears. Words of discouragement came into her mind and she condemns herself with it.


Self condemnation or discouragements from people?
Most of the times, words in your head speaks louder than what people are speaking to you.
Turn down the words in your head, and choose to stay happy and walk on.
Let your dreams is bigger than the words of condemnation, discouragement.
You are special. You are God's beloved.

wonder how wonder why

sat for 3 4 hours doing nothing.
wonder if im an idiot or what, or that's what they think.

Maybe a change of environment is really good. with different people, different ways of thinking. oh well, i can only just pray... tt this few months or rather actually this last month to pass asap.

fire

A fire running on just merely wax

A fire running on oil that can be refilled again and again


Let Your fire shut up in my bones.
One tt refills and refills without burning out

impact

Just made a stupid tweet, dk how to phrase it actually..

Xiao Shu passed away. Makes me feel that life is so so fragile. But saw this on my friend's fb, tt life even though like final destination, it is still in the hands of Abba father..

Was just thinking, the amount of tears you get in a funeral shows how much you have actually impacted some people's life.. Makes me think, am I am making any difference in ppl's life to make them cry in my funeral in the future? Not tt I want to make them cry, but am I really living a life of inspiration? Or living a life tt is worth living?

Well... Just don't want to live a life of regret. (:
& really be guided and inspire the ppl I ought to inspire. (:

Like a fire shut up in my bones....

Like a fire shut up in my bones
I want the world to know You are God
With a passion burning deep within
I want the world to know that You live

Let Your presence come and saturate
Every part of me, make me new
Let Your Spirit come and move within
Fill me once again 'cause I need more

Jesus I'm desperate for You
Jesus I'm hungry for You
Jesus I'm longing for You
'Cause Lord You are all I want

Come like a flood and saturate me now
You're all I want
Come like the wind and sweep throughout this place
You're all we want


This Love must be something bold...
Allowing you to step out, to really call out His Name and not be ashamed of it. Sometimes i used to be so afraid of.. But if i really love.. i know in His Name, there should not be any unshame-ness, fear.. but boldness...

one of these few nights...

That very night just straight after CWBS while watching online, this burden came, and God just spoke, "are you willing to sit up and pray." was so tired, but while listening to PK preach... this stirring came and i sat up, prayed. something i nv responded and did before but i was glad, i did.

Something that was worth crying out for..
& He came so strong. (okay until my daddy came in the room ad asked what's happening. LOL)

tt was the 4th day.
Today the 7th day, this burden is here again.

The extent of how serious people are makes me doubt sometimes.
Many things makes me just doubt at times, the attitude of people treating other people, even the close ones. & how people should be initiating... & many many.

Honestly people change from time to time. Attitudes, friends, things they love, their goals, their purpose, and it may get a little scary sometimes. Well, all in all... all these of mine may change, but i really pray... Even if it changes, it will align to what God wants me to be.. & this week is really just attitude training ground.

Oh & was talking to auggy again, and he showed me Janice from Jayesslee's fb page and all i can see was Janice replying to everyone from CHC's wall msg to her and she replied to every single one of us. This kind of personal touch, despite being so busy and high on top is what makes people feel so treasured and love... (OKAY JUST REALISE ITS A FAKE ONE, but.... believe tt still, this personal touch is true..)

Praying one day, tt even IF i rise up, get super busy and all. I will never forget about this personal touch to all my different friends and members. and even now as well.

Holiness

The ultimate law of God's house is HOLINESS. 

Amazing word preached tonight. while PK prayed for all of us just, and just before tt when he showed us the video of the Nigerians, when the church prayed, i feel... there was a need to breakthrough that atmosphere. Something that is not about loudness, not about how aggressive we are, but something within that comes out of it to fill up that atmosphere.

We are breaking thru, but there's still something more. & i know, the end of Ezekial only goes to show that our breakthru is coming.. it is! and it's is for glory that we are chosen to suffer for His kingdom cause we are handpicked to go into His most holy place.

Sense this 'suffering' thingy coming already, BUT all is well. cause i got Him in my life!
BREAKTHRU! 3rd day yo!!! :D

7 days

Started on my 7 days beverage fast.
I finished 1 day and today's the 2nd. I CAN DO ITTT :D:D
My breakthru is cominggg!

Like what PK preached, if i want my outrageous miracle, i got to do have outrageous faith. So i really have faith that this week is gonna be a great week, despite of the busy schedule, my God shall provide all my needs according to His riches in His glory. & those who wait upon the Lord shall receive strength!

Was thinking about the mini "stage ministry" i have..
From Chinese church hall to Children church hall to B4 Auditorium.. I am just thankful that He thinks i am up to it. Cuz it is not easy, not easy at all. Many times people think it's just good to stand on that big(to me) stage, but sometimes, when one is just being put up there, your life get expose. When you start worshipping and praising, it is just so obvious to see whether you are doing well or not, for you yourselves and people who are more mature below stage. Maybe just like what PK had shared before, many people can go up to sing, but ultimately God must guard their hearts, cause it is not about the talents, but all about God.

Even though i really wanted a chance to stand on Suntec stage to just serve for one time, it's okay if we didnt get into the Top 2. Am just thankful enough to be able to serve at JW and head to the semi finals of Live Jam.

First thing i really don't want to be seen as, or be like or to have is to really have a prideful heart, a competitive heart to want to do and get what i want. Above all else, i just want to follow in His pathway, guiding me to my every destiny. Praying for my calling recently... even though it's not specific, but i know my main calling is to worship my King of Kings, Lord of Lords. & most importantly, to guard my heart..

Something within changed recently... & i know, because whenever i have that thought, the tension was gone and instead peace came.. & i pray, the peace of God reigns in my life.... (:

favor of men

There few day have been very interesting as well..

One day at work..
I lost my way, 1 guy came up and asked "you lost your way" and told me directions, asked another person for directions and he was nice... That day it was raining too... standing under the rain w/o an umbrella, this woman came to voluntarily shelter me w her umbrella across the road.

Was buying zi zha ytd, usually the aunty was super fierce, and surprisingly she was so nice when she spoke me, when she was a little fierce to the customer before me. Denise placed her wallet and phone on the table, forgot to take it. the aunty kept for her...

and more and more.
My boss was nice to me!

God is really good.

open my eyes

I know Your love is all that i need

And i seek to know the ways of Your heart

Open my eyes O God

Open my heart to see

The wonders of the power of Your Name

My life and my salvation is in You...

Ytd's svc was so awesome. Had this bad dream. Woke up feeling so tired and rejected and just felt everything was wrong. Went to church alone cuz jy and ash was studying in church.

So was feeling just mixed, and then Cynthia sent me one picture of the EMERGE submission video, and it was like me inside, usually i would like "omg so unglam.." and whatsoever, but i was just :'|. & ya, the picture was so timely, so in time.

Went to queue, borrowed Kelvin's sunglasses and then was just saying about being a blind person, and then PK preached about blind man. Just so timely. Everything that PK preached just hit every single point in my heart. Thank you Pst..

By Your grace i'll live

By your grace i'll see

Even though it's a period of bad dreams, spiritual warfare and darkness, His glory will penetrate all darkness and light will shine. Victory is here! I will see what He is doing in state of grumbling.

Always believe in this, that people's surface is not who they are truly are, but not many people succeed in understanding it. They know it, but they dont understand it. Thus always going straight into judgement in state of having compassion. I seek to know the depths, not just the surface, and i pray... its not easy, but i can start doing it now.

Encouragements

Encouragements are actually so so essential to many people's lives.
Not sure about you though, but it is so so important to me. An encouragement actually makes me feel loved, feel so blessed, feels that someone actually care for me. & that is a thing i am always so ever thankful for. To be loved.

These 3 days of exams, okay wasn't tt bad to go thru, because i know every single moment, someone bothered to came to say 'Jiayou' to me or pray for me or confess over my life.

Thank you angels... For just all the encouragements in many many forms.

Just a thought... Random one.
Abba Father gave up His only Son to save the world. 
Abraham could give up his only son because He asked him to give Isaac up. 
2 different kind of sacrifices... More to think about.

Anw had a good day w Spastics. Even though it's short...
Deanna: "Anything recent?"
Me: "I got a new fridge!"
Deana: "Tell me that in the future..."

Cuz everyone's talking about their life happenings, like what's going on. But i really think having a new fridge is a big deal to me... No ice at home, and now a new fridge that can make ICE. WOOHOOO. this is joy!

Or maybe simplicity is just joy. (:
Take joy in simplicity... :D

Shoes...

Woke up w this dream again. What was cool about this dream is that it was my first time dreaming about stuff in church.

I saw Cynthia Kelvin and some other leaders talking about serious stuff at church lvl 4. like saying last year's camp wasn't free, but this year it will or something. and then it was so serious that i dont dare to join them so i saw Jas i went to start praying w her.. then she wanted to leave church, so in a rush i left my shoes in my shoebag at church.

so we walked to pioneer, i reached home. i told jy i left my shoebag at church. so we went back to get it, jy asked "can find meh"? "there's a lost and found there" and church suddenly became so near at shss area.

So to cut short on my dream, amazing thing was actually about the shoes i left in church. Why shoes... so i went to look up on shoes and it speaks of an armor for spiritual warfare.

Wear on your feet shoes that will prepare you to tell the good news about peace.

So i went to look up on it,
"GOSPEL" really means in the Greek language: "Good announce" or "Good message." Our English word EVANGELISM comes from that same Greek word. And in old times, that Greek word EVANGELISM or GOSPEL first didn't mean religion.

It just meant spreading good news like "REJOICE, our VICTORY is here."

And it dawned upon me, that i left my expensive sport shoes bro bought in church, and it means i have actually left my victory in church, and now it's time to really to find it back, and there is a lost and found there. You lost something, you can find it.

Aft Cynthia's blog post, i am amazed. war is here!
Well, dont leave your good victory at church, bring it home w ya!
Shoes are important for soldiers in a fight... I am gonna bring good news even if i have to run very very far cuz i have good shoes!

http://www.christdeaf.org/bible/armor/Armor4_Shoes.htm

Catching the flame, never be the same

Listening to all the old songs i wrote...
Some were unheard, some just simply not that nice.

But oh well, i know there is always this person so ever supportive of my songs, Abba Father...
Listening back to all the songs, it definitely wasn't the best songs around, but it was from my heart but i think i wrote it too quickly and finish it in 2 days or 1. so maybe it wasnt tt true? idk..

So i have this new tune... but no lyrics.
Cause i dont just want to write a song for the sake of writing a song, but rather, a song from the depths... Not just a reflection, but a conviction. A song that has lyrics from my revelations that convicted me.

Was coming up w the tune that day, suddenly this still small voice came and said,
Write because it's your song,
Write because it's your destiny.
At that moment, i was like, woah okay. Why should i write songs about how other people's lives are, i write cause it is my song. I guess this is what the other songwriters write for...

Listening to many other songs written, there is this certain power in their songs, cause they definitely had this encounter when they wrote this song. Inspired by all the lyrics, and actually made me think, im quite lousy actually when it comes to songwriting.

But when i think about it, my audience is not people nor men, but Abba...
So it's alright. I keep writing, i will keep improving. IT'S GOOD.

Always so blessed when i hear the still small voice that reminds me and guides me.
Not just godly stuff, but when i forgot something at work, "you still have this" and i was stun... okay. TYJ!

Still small voice... 

I thank God. Despite of all i went thru, i am still standing here. Somehow this year's storm is different from last year's. But every year i learn something so true, so real...

So another thing..
Recently, i learned, to love being me. to just stop being like others, and be me. i am created to be me, not to be other people. so why get so bothered by what other does, i have a specific destiny for me from Abba Father.

KKKKKK, STUDY.
Exam is another 13hours, im halfway done.
Feel quite at peace though... NO COMPLACENCY! STUDY!

i could sing of You love forever

Not every worship song have to be in tears, crying and all.

Every worship song tells of a story.

I could sing of You love forever... :D:D:D

Let this worship of mine not just only be in tears. but joy as well... (:

one of David's Psalm

1 Generous in love-God, give grace! Huge in mercy-wipe out my bad record. 2 Scrub away my guilt, soak out my sins in your laundry. 3 I know how bad I've been; my sins are staring me down.

4 You're the One I've violated, and you've seen it all, seen the full extent of my evil. You have all the facts before you; whatever you decide about me is fair. 5 I've been out of step with you for a long time, in the wrong since before I was born. 6 What you're after is truth from the inside out. Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life.

7 Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean, scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life. 8 Tune me in to foot-tapping songs, set these once-broken bones to dancing. 9 Don't look too close for blemishes, give me a clean bill of health. 10 God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life. 11 Don't throw me out with the trash, or fail to breathe holiness in me. 12 Bring me back from gray exile, put a fresh wind in my sails! 13 Give me a job teaching rebels your ways so the lost can find their way home. 14 Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God, and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways. 15 Unbutton my lips, dear God; I'll let loose with your praise.

16 Going through the motions doesn't please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you. 17 I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice.

18 Make Zion the place you delight in, repair Jerusalem's broken-down walls. 19 Then you'll get real worship from us, acts of worship small and large, Including all the bulls they can heave onto your altar!

The Psalm God spoke to me in the beginning of the year...
Create in me new heart... and thIs morning went to check the other versions.
This is the psalm..

self transformation

In a phase of self transformation. But definitely by the leading of God.

No longer I,

No longer I,

No longer I.

But Christ who lives in me.

The old man shall pass away, and the new man shall live.

Humility

Humility...
Something we always asked to have, but what does it truly mean to have a humble heart? As far as i can remember, i am always taught to be be humble, but sometimes it just feel that humility can actually also a prideful heart in pretense to be a humble heart.

But in L7, one thing i truly really pray is that He will humble the exalted me. Unless i am humbled, i will never ever be exalted. Not that i want to be all high and lifted up, but rather, be lifted up higher to reach Abba Father.

May my heart be pure...
Be right in His sight.

Delay in ministry makes it more precious... - Mark Kwan
and may i always treasure my ministry...

Something changed.

L7 is over... 3 days 2 night of life transforming sessions.
Something truly truly changed in me...Perfect love casts out all fear.. All fear, all rejections, all jealousy, all unclean things. 3 times of spring cleaning was what it needed, but in all of these 3 times, it's just His grace, His mercy...

Truly understand the meaning of what it is to really only being satisfied with God in my life. Maybe in the future i would be tested more again, who knows. But i know this L7, something changed within.

To continue to write this destiny of mine, to write this song of mine, i need a sharp pencil. So with this pencil i have, i pray, it's a life full of love, just like His love.

Nothing much to describe this 3 days except for the word Love.
So is it back to reality after camp? After 'hiding' in church for 3 days 2 night?
No, i'm always in reality cause i have Him in my life. Facing everyday with His love, in this reality. and im not losing it. Never losing it. but press on.

I want to be a sharp pencil, to be used by the Author, to write my destiny.

seaons

what an amazing season... 

not a season of expanding, but really just a season that so different.

Everyone have a season to do more, or to do less....   and it's a season to really to be faithful and hold on.. my latter days will come, meanwhile, i got to deal w the heart. 

sometimes, it's really just about letting go and peace will come. 

No matter what, Jesus, come take my all...

I long to be the bride You're returning for..

One word to just describe my whole feeling now.

Mixed.

Mixed w so many things, but really just want to focus on this one thing.
Realise in some season of my life i would just defocus...
But i pray, as much as i defocus, let me never go to the wrong track. i may fail, go the wrong track, just let me head back to the right way.

& still so thankful, regardless of many times i defocus, He still gives me chance, i will treasure it.